S6E12 - Doumer and the Hanoi Rat Hack

I don't got time to mark this motherfucker. Here we go again. We can't hear anybody. Nobody can talk to anybody
You guessed it pressure points with your two favorite hosts I'm Dee and this is my Sam's Club aficionado AJ
We're coming at you with season 6 episode 12
Doomer and the Hanoi rat hack we're taking it back to the early 20th century in Vietnam
So strap in let's get to it find us on Instagram at points. Oh pressure
Well turn the fucking thing off you dumbass
Fantastic you've been hitting it off on those intro
I think I've had like one or two in the last like this season that have been like
No, you've even good. You've been hitting them getting there
Fine, it only took six seasons and over a hundred episodes
Yeah, figure the fuck out what I was doing. Yeah, but you know, I'm I'm Sam's Club aficionado
Yeah, you said yeah AJ. Well, you're a
Second screen D. Yeah, we upgraded the office. Yeah, you upgraded the office
Yeah, I don't know what it is this week. I've had I think it's because the Sun is out
The Sun hasn't been out it
I've been out early all this week doing school shit. So I get the early morning so fucking dark
but no, I
Yeah, just been like getting shit done. I fixed our bathroom door
Damn. Yeah, so you don't have to like lift it up anymore. Damn
That was my security system
That was my excuse for you to knock on the door and see me with my bottle that was that was when you knew to
Look through the the toilet fucking people or the toilet the toilet people. Yeah that I installed between our
Funk funk funk. You'd be like, oh, it's time to look people time
Yeah, got that fixed fucking oiled up the door. I
Shoveled a bunch of fucking snow. Yeah, dude that that happened to me last week. I was just like I woke up at
I like 9 a.m. Which is super early for me and I was like, I don't feel like I need to go back to sleep
Yeah, what the fuck and like we moved offices over cuz my wife's working from home now and
We I like I did a fuckload of shit
Good and it hasn't I I haven't you know, we're bipolar. I haven't gotten back down to the depressive phase yet
We're still manic. Yeah, we're still manic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know what it is, but just
Kicking the pants. Yeah, I think a lot of it is just like the knowledge that's that winter is out and spring is on its way
Oh, yeah, this is when I start throwing
Everything away. Yeah drives my wife crazy, but it's fair but we work
I've done like four garbage bags and like four pieces of furniture already. I'm just itching to throw more shit away. Oh,
Shit, but yeah, it's uh, it's been a good couple of days since we recorded two days ago
Oh shit, that was so recent. Wow
Yeah, what three days ago I think
Yeah, I mean we we it was like 1130 when we stopped that's close enough
It's fair. But yeah, so it's been a been a good week
It's a we're recording this one a little bit early
So if anything weird anything monumental happens over the weekend and we miss it and it was like Saturday
Sorry about it. All right. I'm out of town
But uh, yeah, the world stops for Dean's vacation
Happen while you're good. I'm so fucking ready. Oh, we're so jealous
I know just out of we'll get you out of here. Yeah, one day you're out of here soon, but just out of spite
We're gonna try to go to I mean by the time this is out
It'll be done but on Sunday, we're hoping to go out to the desert maybe shoot some guns. Yeah shit, dude new car
Go to new car. Let's go shoot it up in the desert. Fuck. Yeah blow up the car
fucking tires
I so I was sitting down here the other day or actually I was asleep in this room. No, okay
I was asleep and my phone rang and I thought it was my boss cuz I was like, oh shit
I'm on the clock. I've been asleep for like two hours. Like oh fuck. So like get up run in here
I don't have any messages and I was like, what the fuck hang up and then like a
Minute later I get a voicemail and it was from the lone guy that was like, oh, hey, can you return my call?
He listed you as a as a reference. I was like, okay, fuck it
And I totally forgot to do it until today. I mean they approved me without it. Yeah, I know they approved you
Like like it's like I say he called me on fucking Monday. I filled out those references
When I was in there buying yeah, I know like the car was here
Yeah, when I got that voicemail and I was like, oh, yeah, okay
It's like calling back today and he's like, so how do you know AJ and I was like, oh fuck
What did he put me down? I put you down as as friend. Okay. I was like, yeah, I've worked with him for years
He was like he's like that'll do have a good day. I was like, what the fuck was the point of that?
Okay, so let me tell you I did a program
I have a lot of student loans. I have a too much debt, you know buying a house and all this shit fucking
Yeah, credit score is okay, but
Banks are really shitty about lending out money right now
Yeah, and I didn't want to go with dealer financing as much as I could cuz shit interest rates no matter what?
So I tried a couple things went to this program and it's basically for people who if you just don't want your credit checked at
All like they did not check my credit. Damn really? Yeah, and and it's just like use cars
I got a 2010 like but it works great
Finance Bros hit mute so that we have to get a fucking lecture from you in our DMs
We basically the the whole thing was like you have to have references and you have to have a stable place to live
Okay, because if I don't make a payment they just shut the car down and then repo it like oh what the fuck?
I got a slowjack in it. Okay, so and
They just like because they well they'll do everything they can before repoling it like the idea is, you know single mothers or
People who are between jobs or shit like that who need transport but okay, you know can't buy a new car
I know that that super cool. So yeah, if you're in Utah, you need you know
Need help. I'll give you my real name to get the referral because they give you 200 bucks. Oh shit. Yeah
But if you're visiting if you're visiting and you need a car an address to list and it can get shut off in three days
Oh, yeah
Look you up for 200. Yeah, it's just like you need a stable place to live you need
income
Okay, and you need like a stable income and you need a bunch of references. Oh, so I just
You know filled out the specific people that they wanted and yeah, they just verify that the number and the person is real and
Then if I don't pay and they can't get in contact with me
They just shut the car down, but then they call no they start calling down the list saying hey D
Do you know where AJ is? I see. Is he safe? Is he alive? Yeah, really? They're like, where's our fucking money?
Oh that's fair. But the I mean, you know, it's a 13 year old car. Yeah, so it's not like
It's the biggest. Yeah, they're not
But it disappears. They're not out 45 grand kind of thing. Yeah, but it works. That's cool decent interest rate good payments
solid three-year lease
There's something else with it. Oh, yeah only one issue that I've found with the car so far
Hmm if it's too cold the radio doesn't work
Huh? I think there's a short
Where if it gets cold, you know metal contracts. Yeah
So if a rubber contract fucking rubbers just pulls just far enough
She has far enough away to not connect and then when it heats up cuz I just turned on the heater and after a minute
It started working. I think it's re-expanding the wire making it touch me. That's goofy and I'm not gonna fix it
Yeah, no fuck that like that. Maybe nice little three years. We'll see. Yeah
Probably not but we'll see you know three years. I should be in more debt and actually paying off my student loans
Who knows maybe by then we'll have 12 patrons subscribe dude
Please tell your friends to subscribe to patreon. I need to make these car payments. Yeah extra episode every month
I'm gonna sell you before the
You guys everybody shuts it off. Yeah, you can't skip this part episode per month
We have a bunch of sloppy seconds that are on there
Bunch of extra stuff AJ has his voices series
I'm almost done with called out at the end of the episode even though I mean if you didn't know about any of this stuff
You're already skipping the end of the episode which is mean, but now you can do funny stuff
Now you listen all the way through to hear your your cool patreon name. So yeah
You know check us out on there and it's a board to help me make my car payments and I'm planning on sending something out to
We are in
Next month during April April you guys will be in some bonus stuff
So make sure you have your addresses on there because you don't have an address on there
We can't send it to ya even though we know most of you and we can text most of you
I'm not going still make sure your fucking address is on. Yeah, this goes for my girlfriend
She's not gonna get one unless her address is on
She's yeah, we may sleep in the same fucking bed
But I don't know where she lives unless she puts that I had stress in patreon
And then we're gonna go to the post office and get it sent. Yeah to our house
All right, all right. Yeah, so we should get started so it is we're gonna pop back like I said in the intro
It's just before the turn of the 20th century
That's the best time to be alive. I know and I'll labor we're in an occupied section of Vietnam
It's run by the French. So we're talking. No, I good old-fashioned anything about that. I know anything about
France occupied nations
They run just as well as British occupied nations. So just as good as Spanish Spain top-tier occupied
Pretty much any colonial occupied nation turns out if you're if you're a yeah colony
You're you're living better than the mainland turned out great every time every time
uh, so there's a little place called Hanoi, which I'm sure that I'm gonna
Mispronounce all this no, I don't fucking carry. You're good. You got okay. Cool
I however didn't write down what Vietnam was called before they got independence in 1954
French Vietnam, it's like it's like Ichabod or something. It's like you find it. Yeah, okay, okay
Uh, so Hanoi is this little village that it really isn't what the French consider an elegant living situation
Because because they're pretentious. Yeah. Yeah France in the 1800s kind of like despite going through the fucking revolution. They're bitches
It's considered kind of a dirty and crummy living situation probably for most people
and
France decides to send some military and administrators over to figure out how they're gonna make this
like their approach to this is they want to make it like an Eastern Pacific City of
French sophistication in class
Yeah, so like they want this to be the Paris and the fucking West I guess
Okay
And the idea is is just start it from the ground up. This place is bare bones
like they have a couple temples and like a
couple little buildings, but it's nothing that's
Established I should say beginning of the 20th century
1880 late 1800s. Yeah, so late 19th century. Okay late 19th century. It was called
Dynom oh
In 1839 through 1945 it was Dynom. Oh
1804 versus to 1839. It was Vietnam
but before that it was dive yet
guy Chi
Dine
Do maybe I was just looking at you thinking of us on a what?
Adam Adam Adam is the 20th century
Chinese name now, it was probably just like this specific County
I'm guessing or something like that, but apparently the the Vietnam itself the name comes from a 16th century poet. Oh, that's cool
Interesting the more, you know
Knowing is half the battle. Yeah, how dare you hijack my fucking episode? So I'm gonna start talking to you about a Polish doctor
That's a that's a sneak peek. Yeah, that's a sneak peek into April
so
Like I said, their whole idea is to just turn this into like a Mecca more or less
So they're gonna turn it into like new new Paris. Yeah, literally new Paris
Yeah, so they begin tearing down all of these temples that have been built
Shops thousands of year old literally fucking town hall
Burning cultural effigy. Yeah, literally just any building that's standing in their way. They're like it bring it to the ground fuck fuck that thing
and it's
Like they push these people
over into like this lake pond area more or less, uh, and
It's I mean, this is some good old-fashioned colonial fun, man
Yeah, like bulldoze everything original bulldoze and push out the natives fucking nice the light create a tourist trap in the middle of it
Otherwise perfectly fine country with its own beliefs and values. Oh luckily they did manage to build a hospital and a cathedral
However, those things is great. Yeah, however, it's a like
I don't know if you guys are aware of how heavily the Christian Church was over in Vietnam during this time
But until now I don't really think it's been it's slid its graces into the hair their community
So yeah, they've got a cathedral that's basically gonna be
Useless until more French people come over a hospital that they're probably gonna turn the natives away with
And they made the cathedral to look like the Notre Dame
Like it's basically like a mini
Well going back to the hospital they
Don't they won't turn the natives away
They'll just for sterilize them without telling them when they go under for a flu shot
Perfect 10 out of 10 exactly what the French would want
so
Things are moving along pretty pretty nicely
at this point
It's got it's got their their special wide streets so that you've got all this room for I mean, I am jealous
of carriages and everything
People are starting to own and decorate their homes with European goods
And our man our good man of the hour Paul Doomer shows up. It's probably do meh. I don't give a fuck
I'm gonna call him Doomer because it sounds way fucking better
And because it's fitting for this piece of shit, so he worked as a minister of finance in France for about a year
and
I'm sure that all of you have seen how how well the French handle change
When it comes to their income or how their situation is set up. He pushes income tax
way too hard while he's in France and
After a year of working as a minister in finance and pushing tax they go get the
Whoa, what's over here?
Quasi-exile in the fucking ship him to literally the other side of the world. They're like, you know
We're not gonna fire you but
Won't put you in a guillotine. We'll just put you on the other side of the world
Yeah, and you'll just get bitten by some mysterious bug. It's fine. This is what we wanted all along
so Doomer shows up and
Dude is taking this like a fucking like he's like, oh, yeah, I've been promoted
This is took it as a this is a solid setup for me self aware at all that he just got
Shit. Yeah. Well at the same time I
Guess I can see how he how it's viewed as a promotion
I'll get into it. But yeah, like his whole thing is if I can turn this place around
I can go back to France and they're gonna love me. Oh
Okay redemption arc. Yeah exactly
So
He his his idea when he first gets to to Hanoi is
He's like we're gonna make this bad boy one of a kind and his whole focus is he wants to make this like
The new capital he wants to make this a capital of Vietnam. Wait, wait, wait
So he he wants to make it one of a kind but they're building mini Notre Dames
They probably copy and pasted reduce size by 50% of just the general hospital in Paris
100% like are they gonna are they gonna create a very unique?
Eiffel Tower
Like but it's 60% the size. It's it's an Eiffel Street lamp. Yeah, uh
Yeah, like he's just like his whole focus is we want to make this the capital of Vietnam
We're gonna make this the best place to live over here. Okay, Doomer
like by all right, please so
Uh, he puts so much work into Frenching this shit up
however, however, the first and most important order of business that Doomer puts into in
Action is he wants to make sure that there's a brand new nice palace for the governor general
Oh, of course, guess who the governor general is who old Polly Doomer?
So he comes in and he was like we're gonna French this shit up and I want myself a real fucking nice place to stay
Jesus Christ
That's like the chief of police
like lobbying that
High-ranking police officers should get their housing paid for like just after like just after he became the fucking governor
Yeah, like that's what it is
That's that's the the president shouldn't have to pay for housing
Yeah
Oh wait
It's it's fucking
Oh shit
It's not like the president doesn't have to pay for housing
It's the president will have a palace to live in
Yeah, gets to build their own palace for life
So that that yeah, that's like the president having the best health care in the nation forever
Oh wait, bro
They fucking do
The thing is that this place is just a total fucking eye roller
So it's bright fucking yellow
It has that like
Clay roofing. I don't know what clay hatch roofing. I don't know. It's got that all over the top
It has mango trees like strategically placed all over the grounds
It has an entire grand staircase inside like what the fuck
Yeah, like there's nothing to do here. Why?
It has fancy classical columns and it even has a carp pond on the ground
A carp pond?
Yeah, they're in Asia and they make a carp pond?
Are you shitting me? I'm pissed
It is literally the house in the it's the photo of the Wikipedia article French colonial architecture
I shit you not
You go to that it's that fucking house
It's so over the top that in not even fucking Ho Chi Minh would live in it for symbolic reasons
When Vietnam gained independence they gave independence and he looks at this place and he's like way too gaudy for my taste
It's like I'm good
So after they make their wide streets line them with fancy broad trees
They start constructing all these buildings so they're fit for the famous French architecture
Oh yeah, the great French architecture
And the big focus now is Doomer sees a sign of civilization as having indoor plumbing
Whoa
So they get to work laying nine miles of sewage pipe
Yeah, I was going to say that's a lot of work to put that in without the infrastructure
So they get to work putting in like I said nine fucking miles of sewage
And they deem all of this area as the French quarter of Hanoi
Now this is also viewed as a solution to the sorry the plumbing is viewed as a solution to fighting cholera
Which is fair
Yeah, you don't want foam shits
That wasn't what they had in mind when they put it in
It just happened to also help that other problem
Which by the way cholera is what the French brought to Vietnam
Oh yeah
French major cholera carriers, foam shits
Right, so right next door to the French quarter is what is called the native quarter
And this is where all the ponds and lakes are and where my guess, my assumption is that all of the sewage is basically just pumped out into this area as well
Pumping into their ponds
We have running water in our homes and it's like we have your leftover water running into our homes, thanks
And this area is where most if not all of the native Hanoi population live now
After being pushed out of the literal main mecca of Hanoi
Smallpox, syphilis, and there's like a mosquito fever that kind of ran rampant in the native quarter during this time
And basically every time one of those would pop up, all brought by the French
The French would just be like oh god the pores have another disease and they just put up like another barrier to kind of keep pushing them further and further away
It's like in zombie games where there's always the edge of the map where it looks like the military checkpoints
Yeah, yeah, and they just keep putting up another fence
But it's like they're bringing it so it's our whatever
Fucking good old colonial French
Now around this time, Doomer has changed his focus after they've gotten everything
After he got his glorious house
He's gotten everything built up and it looks like like Walmart, France
He starts to focus on the opium trade as well as like I should not
Their whole thing was they heard about Hanoi and they heard about like the silk trade that was going on over there
And they were like, this is like the city of gold, but it's like the city of silk
Like that was their whole thing. They're like, this is like El Dorado, but El Silco
What the fuck? The French are so stupid about all this
Because like there have been all of these import issues where silk is kind of dying during the time
And that's why Doomer had to focus on the opium trade because silk just like it wasn't working out
They weren't producing nearly as much
Well, yeah, it turns out when you bulldoze their entire cultural center
You don't want to work very much. The French should know that
It's hard to find silkworms when you've burned down all the fucking trees for your little mainstream
Which they made 36 square blocks. It's like French area. It's massive, dude. It's fucking huge
So yeah, he hops on the opium trade and it kind of starts to rocket Hanoi's economy to the moon
He brings in more and more trade as a result of this increased economy
But what's happened is the smaller workers like the small companies
Who the fuck would have thought that this would happen? Small companies can't afford the tax
That Mr. Doomer has implemented because he's able to fucking run everything
They aren't able to afford it and so it pushes a lot of these workers out of the industry
And they have to go to trade jobs. They've got to start working in the native quarter
Doing whatever they can to survive at home. I don't know, shoveling shit for a living off your front porch
So as is with most quote unquote solutions to a small town problem
Additional problems tend to arise
Like increasing the opium trade and then everybody gets on opium
You know, surprisingly opium isn't really a factor the rest of this episode
Opium is really just what brings more people here and then it also drives more into poverty
Which is kind of... Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's what I meant
It kind of sets everything up for the rest of this
So the big issue that they're starting to run into that the French are getting really upset about
Is that the sewers that they've created have kind of become a shelter and a home for rats
Yeah, that makes sense
Yeah, makes a ton of sense and you think that like with the bubonic plague
Who would have thought?
The French would have had a fucking idea as to what rats can do in a system
You think they know anything about rats? They are rats
Doomer was like, they don't have rats in Vietnam. Total fucking idiots
So, the sewer...
Well, I've never seen one here. Let's build a sewer
Right
The thing is the sewer acts as a form of protection against the predators that the rats normally have to deal with
And I mean, it's like a nice little fucking drive-through for your kitchen
They have fast food. These rats have fucking fast...
They can pop out, pop up out of your toilet, which is what's happening
They're popping up out of the toilets
They're grabbing shit off the shelves and then they're just heading straight back down in the sewer
Nice. That's gonna do great for all those poor people
Yeah, it's... Despite trying to set up a sewer, Doomer managed to set up an efficient rat route for fast food
He created a highway for rats
Door dash for rats
With... yeah
With door dash
So, yeah, now that Cholera is going away, the bubonic plague is starting to rear its dirty fucking...
Yeah, no way
Dirty head
Mice from the sewer running around your house is spreading disease?
Yeah, cases are starting to pop up
Wow
Not so much in the French Quarter, but obviously more in the Native Quarter
So France is like, it's not a huge problem for us, but it doesn't look good on paper when we're trying to make this the capital
No way
Mind you, 40 years earlier, so like 1845, I think, China dealt with the black plague and had like 12 to 15 million fucking deaths during this thing
Yeah
It's been discovered, obviously, at this point, that it travels on the fleas that are on the rats
So everybody knows rats are the problem when it comes to the plague
And everyone knows if you have a huge rat problem, you're going to have the bubonic plague, you're going to have deaths, and it's a very fucking hard thing to stop
Because to get rid of rats, you have to get rid of all of the fucking rats to stop the bubonic plague
They're like raccoons, they just multiply
Yeah, it's fucking bad
And when they have these small... like, we're not talking like sewage tunnels in like New York where a train used to run through it
These are like man-sized holes that they sent one person through that dug a hole for the sewage
It was like man-sized holes, so like an inch or two
Yeah, right
So it's like they're hard to get through, and it makes it easy for the rats to just fucking multiply in there
Run in, get their door dash, have sex
That's what a lot of people did during COVID
Right
So France isn't really in a great position with the new hopeful capital being ground zero
The new bubonic plague
Yeah, for bubonic 3, return of the plague
2.x
Jesus
But yeah, they hire a group of rat hunters, and they tell them, look, for each rat that you kill, we'll pay you
It's not going to be great per rat
Like we're talking pennies per rat
Get the chunkler
Yeah, right
And so, what is it, like 1902 I think, when this first starts
8,000 rats are killed within a week
That's a lot of fucking rats
So that's 8,000 pennies were paid out
So a good $80, yeah
A month later, they're killing about 4,000 rats a week
And they hit an all-time daily high of 20,000 in June
They killed 20,000 rats in one single day in June
That's a rat-a-cost
Yeah, yeah, this is the genocide you guys didn't know about
But yeah, like, when you're killing numbers like this in June, you're like, okay, like, you would think that if you have rat hunters over two months, they can probably clear up a good portion
And then they kill their highest number in two months later, they're like, this isn't really fucking working out the way that we hoped
It's not working?
No, because they're still having fucking rat problems
Fucking rat problems, yeah, dude
Holy shit
These things are fucking multiplying like nobody's business
That's a lot
One hunter, one account was, one had to enter the dark and cramped sewer system, make their way through the human waste in various forms of decay, hunt down a relatively fierce wild animal like, these are Vietnamese rats, dude
They're vicious
Which could be carrying fleas with bubonic plague or other contagious diseases
This is not even to mention the probable existence of numerous other dangerous animals such as snakes, spiders, and other creatures in the sewage systems
And you're being exposed to shit which, you know, has cholera, and E. coli, and all sorts of other shit
And this is just a small group of fucking hunters that are trying to do this
Like, 20,000 rats in a day is a fucking feat
But that's, like, when you're only able to get so far, they're just, they're all over
Just buy some acid and dump it to the pipes
Right
So France realizes that this isn't just a job for, like, one group of hunters
They go, maybe we can just get the whole town on board with this
If, especially if the hunters aren't making a dent in the population of rats at all
So what they propose is one cent per rat is the bounty
They just have to turn in the rat tail
Oh, that was a good guess from me earlier
Yeah, no, I mean, it's 100%
It makes sense
Yeah
Because you can still underpay the shit out of them and you fix your rat problem
But they're poor, so they'll take it
Yeah, it's fucked
But they only have to turn in the rat tail to the municipal office
So then all the rats started popping up without tails
So the main reason that they were just turning the tail is because they would get complaints from, like, French quarter locals
That were like, these hunters are walking down the street with, like, a carriage of dead fucking sewer rats
These guys are covered in human waste
I would love to see that
Smells like dead rats and shit and they're dirty as hell walking down the street
And all these French bastards are like, ugh, do our dirty work, but don't be dirty
But don't be dirty in our main street
So, France says, all right, just bring us the tail
That way we don't have a bunch of fucking carcasses at our favorite little palace
We can't have dead rats all over the palace
We can't have that
So, it's a huge success at this point
Like, rat numbers are kind of starting to decline
They're seeing a lot less of them
Okay
And payday's really stacking up
Yeah, there are so many fucking rat tails coming in
You can make a bracelet
Yeah
The rats aren't really able to keep up with the amount of locals that are just fucking slaughtering them
These people need fucking money
They're probably eating the rats because they need money
Jesus, probably, for being honest
Where else are the bodies going to go?
So, a few weeks go by and things are looking good
About a month goes by
And it's not that the rat problem hasn't completely gone away
It's just changed a little bit
Because they still have a rat problem
It's just the ones that you're seeing in your pantries and running around the street don't have tails
Oh my god, I called it
Yeah
So, they're just turning in the tails
Yeah
Letting them go to make more
It's a money printing scheme
So, France starts to realize that although they're paying for each tail
The bad rats are still fucking breeding
Like these big fucking rats, they're just throwing them back in
It's like what people do with lobster
You get one out that has claws and it's known for breeding
They toss it back into the ocean
Yeah, you get two rats
You make them fuck
You chop off their tails and then you return them
And then they make 14 more rats that season
On the low end
In one birth cycle
And then that's 14 more tails
Yeah, they find out that there are multiple people that are running rat breeding colonies in the native district
Oh, so you don't even need to catch them
You don't even have to
You just breed them
No, no, no, no, no
You don't put them back into circulation
Yeah, you keep them
You catch them, make them fuck
You make six rats have a fucking hot little orgy
Little rat orgies
These things are going to dump out little babies
Like nobody's business
Vietnamese rat orgies
Yeah
And then you just chop off the tails
Yeah
And it scales
Wait until they're big enough and you cut off their tails
It's like mining a Bitcoin in 2013
And then using that to buy another
And then, you know, five years later using that to buy another graphics card
Mining another Bitcoin and then using that to buy four more graphics cards
Yeah, they're just scaling
They're scaling really well
And these people are running like rat breeding colonies
So France is like, fuck, shut it down right now
They fucking deserve it
Yeah, 100%
Doomer, however, is completely out of touch in this whole fucking thing
I bet
And he's like
He's still trying to push the income tax
He's like, oh, we're cleaning up the streets
Fucking Hanoi is top tier
He completely ignores that the rat population has been steadily growing over the last like month
And so he does this like Hanoi expedition more or less
He holds this big grand year-long event
Where it's like Hanoi is now like your go-to place for moving through the Eastern Pacific more or less
Yeah, stop by on your way home on the Titanic
So goods and cargo are flowing through Hanoi like fucking crazy
And picking up bubonic like rats
More and more people are showing up in Hanoi to live there because they're like, damn, like
I can make a lot of fucking money if I run the ports here or I, I don't know
Own a fucking sewage company
I don't know
Yeah, sewage clearing company
So yeah, more people are moving in
I invented a rat net that you put over your toilet when you're not using it
It stops them from coming out
Surprising that one, that hasn't come up yet
But because more people are moving in, more toilets are being built
More sewer
More fucking rats are showing up
Oh my God
It is getting so fucking bad that within the year 110 people die of bubonic plague
Damn, that's impressive
It's fucking awful
And this spreads for three more years
Jesus Christ
It ends up completely destroying one Vietnamese town's colony
Like, sorry, not colony, their economy
So much so that Hanoi sees this enormous uptick in homeless people
That are like, yeah, everything fucking shut down back home
And Hanoi is the only place where money is circulating
So I figure I'll just come beg to the French Quarter here
If you're homeless, you go to like the main cities because there are resources there
Like, you're not going to stick around Delta, Utah if you're homeless
You're going to burn up in the desert
You're going to go to Salt Lake or American Fork
I mean, they'll send you to Salt Lake
You can go to Ogden, oh, they'll send you to Salt Lake
Texas will ship you to Chicago or Boston
Yeah, exactly
But yeah, like, so these people move to the big hub
Oh, I bet the French people love seeing all the homeless people
They're thrilled
And over the next three years, a total of 263 people die of the bubonic plague
Most of which, surprise, surprise, are in the native district
Because the hospital, like, you have to fucking walk through the French district to get to the hospital
And they sure as shit aren't going to be left to go through there
So news is getting out that France in 1906
1906
1906 is reviving the fucking bubonic plague in Vietnam
That's great
And it's bad fucking press
So France starts taking anti-pandemic measures
And they do what is basically the easiest fix for the fucking Black Death
And that's just start practicing regular hygiene
What?
And initially, the native district hates it
They're like, don't push your French clean shit on us
You're going to push us out like you did before
It's funny in this situation that the French are considered clean
Yeah, I know
But they're like, you're going to push us out of this area too
And the French are like, no, we're trying
I promise, this time we're actually doing something that will help you
I don't blame them for not trusting them
Right?
So yeah, it gradually over the next year or two ends the little mini plague that happened in Hanoi
Dumer, however, goes back to France
He succeeded for the most part in making Hanoi
It's on the map
Yeah, like it's well known
Whether it's for the plague or whether it's for opium
Any press is good press
Yeah, it's bringing in fucking money
So he goes back to France
He ends up becoming the president of France in 1931
I shit you not
I did not see that coming
No, what you won't see coming is about a year later
He's hit by two stray bullets in an assassination attempt
One goes into his skull, the other into his armpit
And Homeboy is the only president, the only French president in history to die by bullet
They tasted the bullet and they're like, this is a Vietnamese bullet
It was a rat on the end
It was a team of four rats with a sniper rifle
It was a team of four rats in a long overcoat
So yeah, fuck Dumer
Damn
Who killed him?
It was...
Was it related to this Vietnam thing?
I think it was a Russian dude as far as I know
Totally unreliable
That would be better
But it was just nice seeing that he has a notable fucking death
No wonder he doesn't really stand out as big president of France
Because he only lasted like a year
Because he only lasted, yeah
Holy shit
These, okay, colonialism stories
And how badly they fuck them up
I have a couple
I have a couple lined up
I love them
They're so great
Because they are like
You gotta know, the thing about this podcast
Dear viewer
We're not racist or sexist or homophobic or anything
We talk shit on every country
Every government
Because they're all shit
If you fuck it up, we'll let you know
Yeah
Like
No holds barred if you fuck the pooch
Turns out colonialism bad
Colonialism and not caring about native people
You're gonna hear about your story on Pressure Points eventually
If you treat indigenous people poorly
Get ready
We're gonna be breathing down your neck
You can quote me, Fox and Friends
You can take that to the bank, Tucker
Mr. Carlson
No, he doesn't deserve that treatment
So, yeah
Yeah, I love it
I love that shit
I love that
So a lot of these stories, you know
They end with like
Oh yeah, he kind of went home, did this stuff
Didn't do anything really big for the rest of his life
I was honestly hoping that he just got fired
And he went back and everyone hailed him as a complete fucking idiot
But he somehow managed to sweep
It would have been better if he died of bubonic plague
He managed to sweep all of the plague stuff under the rug
Yeah
But I love it when the end of the story is
Very anticlimactic, but justice
Right
Like, yeah
There's so many words
Like, oh, then he went and got like a degree and wrote a book
Like boring
Like my last episode
And honestly, it's been pretty fucking nice to not do something that's so goddamn dumb
That's so heavy
Yeah
That isn't just like
This one was an easy like 45 minute write up
Easy peasy
Yeah, that's gonna be my next one
And it's fantastic
It's gonna be, you know
They're fun
It's fun
It's fun sometimes to just do
Do some shit
It's own, you know, self-contained thing
I mean, the last couple of my episodes have been like that
Which has been really, really nice
Yeah
For my brain
But, you know, don't worry
Yeah, well
They'll come back
I'll be bringing back some shit on Sarajevo very soon
Butchers of Bosnia
Very soon
It shall be continuing and I'll probably
I mean, up to this point
Like I'm starting to find more and more accounts of like different people
And I'm like, that's a whole episode
So there's a good chance that this is gonna be like a 10 part
Like not this
But
Butchers of Bosnia
It'll be like a fucking 10 part series
So it'll be spread out over the next couple of years
We found Doomer's journal
We're gonna be covering each entry as one episode
Jesus Christ
Today I ate some baguette and shit
I'm sure the guy's got some fucking dirt on him
Before he went and after he got back
Yeah
No, I mean, if you get exiled
It's not just because you're pushing an unpopular tax code
Like
I'm sure he fucked somebody's ugly wife
But yeah, so
It was that Russian dude who shot him
Yeah
It was his wife
He came back
Yeah, they kept him away to protect him
Yeah, right
That's true, they were like, we know he's coming after you
Yeah
All right, well
As always
If you are interested in getting an extra episode per month
I know we already tried to sell you guys on this earlier
But now if you weren't paying attention earlier
Pay attention now
Wake up
Wake up
We do an extra episode per month on our Patreon
We also have like 20 plus sloppy seconds episode
AJ is working on a series called Voices
I think he's got an episode up there
Almost ready
And yeah, your support gives us the ability to do a little bit more with every episode
I mean, we were able to get really nice mics
Able to get a second monitor
For the office
We're able to run ads to help us grow
So your support is greatly appreciated
We've talked about a couple of times like
Oh, we're doing stuff behind the scenes
And you don't really see a lot of that
Because a lot of it, you know, it's not like a
We're creating a tangible product behind the scenes
It's just we're improving the process
Or, you know, just analyzing how we've been recording and tweaking it
And stuff like that
So it's not always super obvious
But this is super impactful
And goddamn, money is a very nice motivating factor to making a good episode
I mean, yeah
I mean, I'm passionate because I like it
But no, I'm just kidding
But yeah, we really do appreciate your guys' support
You got those sweet, sweet names
Oh, yeah
Hold on
You moved the screen, so I got to lean a little more
So the board, we've got
These are the chair people of the board
I really should have thought that through
Mini D, Nordic Thunder, Toddle Waddle, and Weston
Thank you guys so much
They're the big shots around here
Because we weren't really ever expecting more than one
These guys are the hidden hand Illuminati of Pressure Points
There we go
I'm going to start doing that
Like really weird metaphors
Instead of it being a triangle, it's an upside down square
So it's a regular square
But it's upside down
Upside down, so it's different
We'll have a comparison
This is a regular square
This is a square upside down
This is an Illuminati square
A Pressure Points Illuminati square
But yeah, thank you guys
Update your addresses
Update your addresses please
And of course we've got Abby, AJ's third nut, Thomas, Darkrunner, D's nuts, and Lara Revo
Thank you guys so much for sticking around, helping us out
I can fuck with you now
Yeah, I unfortunately allowed D to have his own mouse
And yeah, we talked about it
I'm going to fuck with all the editing and everything now
What editing?
But yeah, as always, thank you guys for helping us out
And for those of you that are still listening
Always feel free to reach out to us
If you have show ideas, movies, books, fucking TV shows, any kind of recommendation
By all means, send it over to us at our Instagram at pointsopressure
Or feel free to reach out to us in our email, ppdnaj.gmail.com
And we will catch you guys next Monday
Thanks for tuning in
I forgot to clock out of work
See you next time
Thanks for watching