S6E2 - The Pornstar President

I don't got time to mark this motherfucker. Here we go again. We can't hear anybody. Nobody can talk to anybody
You guessed it pressure points with your two favorite hosts on D
And this is my cute little sparkling ice water AJ. We're coming at you with season 6 episode 2 the porn star
President I'm talking about Indonesia. I'm talking about the Cold War so strap in and get ready find us on Instagram at points. Oh pressure
Well turn the fucking thing off you dumbass did you know that I'm actually Indonesian
Like how what percentage I don't know okay less than one
This is this is actually our announcement for AJ for president in 2024. Yeah
I don't know if you knew this but my side hustle. I
Think they know a political prisoner. I put another you know another meaning to rise and grind
Shit well welcome back
Welcome we made it. It feels like it's been a while. Yeah, I know that's weird more than a week, but it's only it's been a long week
Yeah, replace my brakes place the brake line that we broke that I broke
Lots of school got a clinical tomorrow had a simulation on Friday. It's been busy
Fucking wild week. Yeah, how have you been doing good? Yeah doing alright?
Just taking it easy one day at a time man. Hell. Yeah, how's your new boss?
Uh
pretty good, so met him and he goes
We were just kind of talking about our interests and everything and he's like oh, yeah, I also like playing video games
I'm currently on my 12th playthrough of Elden ring, and I was like did you say 12th, and he's like yeah
So I put two and two together
And I realized that the dudes definitely fucking playing during work time because there's no way that since February
2020 I was gonna say when did it come out now you could get that many fucking hours so less than a year 11
Yeah, basically 11 months. He's gotten 12 playthroughs, so each one hours is the game. I'm looking it up. I don't know how long
does
But yeah, I was like yeah, dude's definitely fucking playing during work time, so I'm good homeboy has to be okay. Let's see
30 hours if you're a speedrunner 60 40 to 60
Just for the main campaign so he's a completionist is gonna take more so 60 times 12
720 hours of 720 hours in 11 months
Yeah, so I was like all right. Yeah, dudes. Holy shit. Oh and a cheese like I am yeah
He knows he knows exactly what to expect
That's when you got a slide in and say yeah, I'm gonna play a video game
I'm gonna play a video game of the 12th playthrough of rimworld in Tarkov
Ah
Shit, that's great. Hey, that's good to hear though. He didn't even bring up like times or anything
So yeah
There is a chance
That I might be able to do what I've always wanted to do and that's do all of the work of my day in the first like
Hour and a half of my shift and then do absolutely nothing the rest so we'll find out
Oh, well find out because if I can do that
I'm gonna be on easy Street damn. I did that on Saturday
So I now have to work full-time on Saturday, which sucks because of my classes. Oh, yeah, that's right
But on Saturday like we're kind of done with stuff. You know, it's the end of the week people
Like we just don't have a lot to do so I go around I usually steal stuff from your girlfriend
uh-huh a lot of stuff her activities and
and just complete them and I did all of mine with three hours left on my shift and
I didn't do anything left the rest of the time and now I'm just gonna sit there like
See if I hear anything back and if I don't I'm doing the same thing next Saturday
Same way. It's a fucking easy four hours
It's like they really shouldn't be upset because I'm getting their work and their expectations done
I fully agree and you know some days I can do it quick. Sometimes I can't and
Fuck you know until they if they're gonna
Pay me to do the minimum every day if I'm gonna double that in a day. They got to pay me double. Yeah
Yeah, there you go. Yeah, that's the thing. Good fucking luck with that company. Yeah, right. Oh
Shit. Well, I'm glad that it glad that the crazy fucking week is over for you
Thank goodness, but this who knows this next week is gonna be that sim that sim lab that I had on Friday
Technically, it's taking the place of one of the clinicals. Okay, but I still have to do all the clinical paperwork
And I've got the clinical on Monday. So I'm gonna have two sets of clinical paperwork
Do by next my by Friday?
I
Promise that tonight. I will not go cut your break lines again. Oh, thank you. I won't do it
We're say do it this time. Good. Good. You just wait until Tuesday
Yeah, just don't look at your will where it's your wife's name crossed out and it's mine signed above it
Perfect to take over the house. It's don't worry. I actually lost my back
The lawyer said it would be a real problem to leave my will blank under beneficiaries and just have a line that you fill in
But I don't see any problems with that
I'm sure that wouldn't I swear it's still blank. Yeah, I'm sure it is
If you check it tomorrow when you get back from your clinical, it will be blank. Just don't look at it tonight
Okay deal deal. I can do that. Oh shit. So
The porn star president, I'm sure you've been fucking wait. Oh, I'm ready. Is it
I'm going to be
You know
Standard American is it a male president?
Yes, okay
Did does do you you know the?
Specifications of certain body parts. No, I don't find those out. Unfortunately, I'm can we look it up
He might be was it a public like can we find the videos? I doubt it
Okay, well, we'll we'll see I might try. Yeah, we'll see so
Look it up after you so you don't find anything. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, too too spoil
So spoil we we're gonna do I'm gonna do a quick rundown
the
independence of
Indonesia is a fucking mess. It's like
It's basically the Yugoslavian Civil War that I talked about
It's an episode in and of itself
And everything that Sukarno went through and did
Fucking crazy. I'm not gonna cover it in this episode because I found it like four hours ago
I was like, this is like eight hours of work
so a
Lot of this is gonna sound jumpy as shit. It's okay
But I will be covering Sukarno's like come up and everything that happens after this
Probably in a couple future episodes not even probably I will be covering them because it's really fucking interesting
so Sukarno had studied
Political philosophy from all over the world when he was just a kid
super smart kid had kind of he went into like boarding school and
Just found a mentor that was like, oh, I'll teach you everything about
Politics from all over the world and he was like, hell yeah. Let's do it now
He finished a school and everything and he was like, oh
He finished a school and everything and he's put in power of the Indonesian National Party in
1927 and his whole goal is
Uniting all of Indonesia now. All right, that's a big goal
Indonesia at the time was under the control of the
It was under Dutch colonial rule. Yeah good old good old colonialism. Good old fucking the good old Netherlands
Holland at the time I think is what they went by. I don't know. I'm gonna I'm gonna fuck this up, but
You know, there are only two things I hate in this world
People who judge others based on what what does he say that judge other people based on where they come from and
the Dutch
So fuck the Dutch in all honestly like in all honesty of this
So I don't know all of the details yet on what?
Like how the Dutch were governing everything. I just know that it was I mean, it's colonial rule
So it's not gonna be benefiting the indigenous people of the area. Yeah
It's it's a tool to enrich the
Assumption we can assume that
so
If I'm wrong, correct me. I'm not worried about it. So I
Sccarno is he started to have his like his explosion
He's showing up in 1927 and the nationalist party that he's with I think it was called the PP I K or PPN K
They're kind of seen as enemies of the state because they're they're more or less like an anti
Dutch Dutch group. They're they're an anti-ruled
They're just fucking the rebels more or less. Yeah, and
so
Sccarno is deemed enemy of the state chorus gets imprisoned and I think two years later. He's exiled
now
over the next 13 years a
Bunch of crazy shit happens with like his trial and everything
But in 1942
Japan and the United States
Everything but in 1942 Japan ends up defeating the Dutch and takes control of Indonesia
Okay in a massive fucking war not gonna talk about it
Japan realizes that Sccarno had he's one been exiled and two he's
What the Indonesian people wanted?
So why he was exiled? Yeah, so they realize you know, we can use him for the restructure of Indonesia and
they
Japan's approach is so that Sccarno
helps kind of help with the unrest like
Obviously when things are open up when when the government changes
There's a power they're going from a colonial rule to an imperial rule. Well, it's not a great situation. So
They put him in as like a figurehead
Okay, and
Their their whole approach. Yeah, their approach is like get these people to chill out
get the Indonesia's
Indonesians to like follow our
our rule of law more or less and he's like
Okay. Yeah, and then wink huge wink and he's like, I'm gonna unite all of them together is my literal fucking plan
Hell, yeah
and
Uh, and so he starts
Kind of pushing independence
now
This is 1942 in Japan
They're not really super focused on what the fuck is going on in Indonesia
Yeah, they have bigger fish that they're currently frying in china literally also their kids
Yeah, it's fucking bet japan's up to some really bad shit. Oh, yeah, they don't give a fuck what's going on in indonesia
and it was literally just a uh,
like
A way of showing power. They're like we'll expand outwards. We have indonesia now. Fuck everybody. Look how tough we are
Yeah, and it's not like that
That dutch could go down and defend indonesia because you know hitler and it's kind of hard to go through like
War fields when you're in wooden boots wooden wooden cloth. Yeah wooden shoes. Yeah, they do not they don't have very much buoyancy
It's hard to go across the ocean our dutch numbers are going to be at all times
Uh, or they'll be bigger. They'll be like wow listen to these idiots. Yeah, these fucking morons
Yeah, and it really sucks because all their battleships were made out of chocolate
Jesus christ
Those are the the only two things I know about the dutch
That is the extent of my education. I've got nothing more to add
Jesus wooden shoes and chocolates
Oh god, all right, oh i'm a little bit too stoned for this one. No, no, no, you're doing great. You're doing great. So
Sukarno starts pushing independence and in
1944 to 1945
uh, japan has this huge push of like
Uh, well, I don't remember the exact words, but it's like an anti-western sentiment
so
they're basically pumping out all of this propaganda that's anti-western because
I mean
Yeah, japan is kind of makes sense. Yeah, they're fired up about fuck the u.s. Currently
so, uh
What's happening is it's kind of so the focus that this anti, uh, anti-western pushes
Has to do with food. It's really fucking weird. I'll have more details in a future episode
but more or less
I think what japan's approach was
is
We're gonna make everything like as as
Eastern pacific as possible here, like we don't want anything western
So no real and western reliance. You guys better not be having like fucking hamburgers. You better be having
Whatever insert regular indonesian dish. Yeah, so
what's happening is
They're taking these regular foods that people are consuming that are considered western
And they're one either not importing them anymore or two. They're like get rid of that shit
So this is causing massive massive famine
Yeah, and around no way around a million people fucking die during this time. It's fucking bad. Yeah
now
uh
this is kind of where sacarno's like okay like
Fuck japan dude, like they've been doing this you're getting rebels that are standing up and saying we don't want to be under japan's rule
We should be independent
This is a lot more drawn out than I expected to be but no, no, it's good. This is really solid
We got time. We got time we're gonna get into i'm in no rush
So you're starting to get these smaller rebel groups that are popping up
Uh that are like japan can suck my fucking dick
And can suck my indonesian dick suck my indonesian dick. I was gonna say it. I just wasn't sure if I should
I mean why not? I think it's a valid statement
I mean, i'm not saying I have an indonesian penis. It's like two percent
Yeah, I I have a two percent my penis is two percent indonesian and you can
You can take that to the bank. I couldn't remember what that phrase was. You're high. I'm tired. We're set
This is a solid combo. Yeah
Yeah
so
uh
rebel groups start stepping up and pressuring sicarno to
Gain the independence. Sikarno's like bro. Have you seen what japan is doing in china? No, we're we're gonna stray from this
so in august 1945
Something phenomenal a phenomenal opportunity falls from the sky for indonesia and it lands
in
Hiroshima, oh jesus christ. I didn't know quite where you were going with that and
I was like, hold on. What the fuck is he talking about? Oh jesus christ. Yeah, I guess that is good for indonesia
So japan gets fucking
Japan gets hit with an atomic bomb. Oh, jesus christ. And the next day
Fucking sicarno gets kidnapped
by a youth group
That sent him down and they're like like the boy scouts
They're basically like a youth rebel group. So like the boy scouts, but if the boy scouts, but weaponized
The boy scouts, but if they taught you
How to use like an m60 instead of a pocket knife. I did learn how to use like a mounted 50 cal in the boy scouts
so
so
They kidnapped sicarno
And they sit him down and say if you're going to gain independence if this is what you want now
It's the time to do it. Japan is just a little bit fucking preoccupied, right? Uh, yeah
so
Sicarno says you know what you guys are right. Let's do it and they
Gained their independence in fucking 1945. Hell. Yeah, like a day or two after the atomic bomb was dropped
And sicarno is just hailed as this hero
Didn't he he's a hero, but he got kidnapped
But I think a lot of it was was so that they had a platform to sit him down. They're like, hey
You're away from everything. You don't have your aides to push you. You don't have like you're not being watched. Yeah
This is what that makes more sense
so, uh
That's
The preface to this episode now, like I said, that's the preface. Yeah
Yeah, oh no, this is like pretty much 17 minutes in you're good 1945 to 1965 in Indonesia
Is like if I were to do sicarno's life and this story and what happens after it would be like covering
all of the revolutionary war
the entire declaration of independence
George washington's life and then being like hey also i'm gonna tell you about the civil war and I was like
I'm gonna tell you about the civil war and I was like, okay, bro, too much. We're gonna take a step back
And i'm just gonna talk about this one
fucking stupid hilarious
series of her effect
um, but
Sicarno is
Monumental throughout Indonesia's history during this time like i'm pretty sure he was in control from 45 to like
1966 damn
Nah, that's all right. He ran shit there people aren't here for facts. Yeah, right
Uh, but like I said, I do plan on talking about all of the fucking indonesian chaos because
There's a lot of shit that I didn't even know fucking happened
uh
so
After he becomes president over the next few years, uh sicarno
He starts to make friends with
communist leaders
Um mind you America stares at him down. Yeah pretty much
But I mean you gotta realize like if you're gonna gain independence during world war two and you're that close to japan
You're stepping away from japan's rule
You're still gonna kind of be like hey, we're not totally non-axis
Yeah, because you're not gonna be well communism at that time period was ally
Yeah, so but but yeah, you're not gonna completely distance yourself because then you're just open. Yeah
So, uh
The other thing is that a lot of his ideas which
bringing
Bringing a broken nation together a really grand
An effective way to do it is to utilize communism. Yeah, I mean you you don't go. Hey
Everybody we're gonna rebuild and we're gonna grow together as a community
Uh, you're on your but all of these rich people are gonna build businesses and fuck you guys
Yeah, just work just work for them
Yeah, just work just work for them. It's it's better to create a community of let's work together and make all of our lives better
Exactly. Wow, that that's terrible you communist you fuck you piece of shit
so
Uh his his ideas weren't fully communist, but he does lean
towards
communism because it is it's a phenomenal way of just
Uniting yeah uniting bringing and building a community that or getting your twin towers hit by a plane
One of those two are a phenomenal both of those are really good ways of bringing everybody together
Yeah, and one of them for 20 they both in you know in history has completely
They both completely ruined personal privacy
No matter what they both completely just destroy it
I want to go back to when we could bring guns on planes
my checked baggage
Goddamnit
Oh fuck. Okay. So
uh the u.s
This is so we're hitting post world war two at this point
Uh, this is like 50s. So the u.s
Is on a grand old
Anti-communist fuck the communist tirade. Yeah, just like the communists were
You know getting together and building up their community
The americans were getting together and building up their community while hunting down to ruin the red way
Yeah, and you know you get the the fucking red scare which are essentially modern day witch trials and you can just accuse anybody of being a
communist
You're gonna you're gonna fucking love this episode so uh
Indonesia at the time is the
Second, well, they're the largest communist party apart from the soviet union
they are massive and
So the u.s. Realizes hey we have to destabilize and bring good old capitalist democracy to it because
Why the fuck not apparently? Hell? Yeah, we're gonna get south south american all over this shit
So
They're they're practicing what is called
The domino theory which i'm sure you know it uh within like the red scare. Oh, yeah
uh, and it's the belief that
If a massive communist power falls or a communist power falls that the neighboring and smaller countries nearby
slowly follow suit
You push over the big domino
The first one the rest will slowly get there. Yeah, the rest don't have the supports. They don't have the
Cultural support and monetary monetarily from the larger government who's kind of looking over them
They no longer have that kind of protection kind of helps. That's the idea at least it doesn't always work
Yeah, the idea is just to knock them all over until russia and china are
Shambles. Yeah, how's that working? Yeah, it's worked so fucking well over the last what 73 years, I think
uh, so
their their approach with indonesia is
We're going to one influence their elections as best we can
Shit out a lot and to shit out a lot of propaganda so that it pushes them
away from being
on team russia china
so in 1955 the cia
Spends one million dollars to oh jeez to turn the indonesian election meter away from the left
away from the communist side
and
It doesn't work. No, the the commies still win by over the last three years
and uh, in the 60s, there's actually this big push in by jfk to
and I quote liquidate sacarno
Uh
So, uh
Moscow knows that the u.s. Is going to start pushing because I mean the kjb fucking knows everything
Yeah, they they literally had moles within the department in the fbi to identify moles within the fbi
Holy shit, we really fucked that one up
And and you know like you know, the cia was probably working with them
Because easily why what the fuck is up with the cia? They're just their own thing doing their own thing
They are
Like they all stack up at night and they become like a a mad scientist like that's their fun
They're like the power rangers and they all stand on top of each other and become this
giant evil
Fucking hitler-esque monster. It's fucking awful. That's fantastic. But yeah cia
Doing their damnedest to to influence
indonesia away from uh, communism meanwhile the cia is utilizing their resources to
Grow cocaine. I don't know and the kjb is just like yeah, we're fine. Like yeah, the kjb is like
It's we know what you're gonna do. It's not working on its own. Yeah, we're fine. Yeah, so
uh
sacarno is
He's known for his
uh, so uh, sacarno is he's known for being a bit of a ladies man, okay, uh in the 1940s
When he was in japan his wife divorced him because he was constantly asking her
to be polygon
Polygamist with him and she's like i'm not gonna fucking do that and she files for divorce they part ways
He's dude damn. I can't imagine walking up to my wife and saying hey, babe
How about we get another wife like what the fuck you know what you do? Let's get another one of those. Yeah
guys
Stupid so
Yeah, uh, she leaves him because she doesn't want to practice polygamy while he's president of indonesia
He has four legal wives and then there's a fifth one that for some reason is kept secret and it's a little bit
Kept out of the books. I don't know why it's like his cousin or something. Yeah. Yeah, right. They're like
First cousins and he's like I just don't want people to know about this
Yeah, she's actually a guy just it's the 40s. I can't release this yet
so
uh
He's he's known as this fucking ladies man and people eat it up in indonesia. It's the 40s. Everyone's like, oh shit
Socarno's got all these babe wives. Wow
And the kGB picks up on this
They're like, okay, like everybody knows that this guy likes his women. All right
so
He visits moscow in the late 50s
and
word starts to get out to
two indonesians that uh
Socarno seduces and has an affair with a russian flight attendant. Oh
hot stuff
Honey-potted. Yeah, so
A few months go by and russia reaches out and says hey should come back to moscow
We've got like we we need to have a meeting dude if anybody during that time period says hey, let's go back to moscow
Yeah, fuck no, you're an idiot if you followed along and so socarno's like yeah for sure
He goes out there and during his visit. He's picked up by the kGB and he's taken to a movie theater
uh, and they're not going to watch the
Newest release of snow white in color. That's not gonna happen. They're not gonna watch
Uh the the way of water
Isn't that the new avatar the new avatar movie? Yeah, they're not gonna watch
Yeah, the last duel the kGB had their hands on avatar to the way of the water in 1958. Yeah, that's 100 true
It's a it's a conspiracy theory james cameron actually stole it. It's in my notes
Yeah, if you go to the wikipedia page in the next 10 minutes of as of recording it will be there
If you're hearing this it's too late. Sorry. Yeah, sorry somebody somebody the kGB they're trying to keep us quiet
They don't want you to know it james cameron's people is a kGB agent. Jesus christ
so
Yeah, he flies back to moscow kGB picks him up puts him in a movie theater and
they play
uh a very intriguing movie starring socarno and uh, the
the steward or the sharing actress is
stewardess, yeah, so
They fucking honeypot him and record him having sex with this stewardess on the flight
Sit him down
And they're just standing behind him with their arms full. They're like, oh we got him
so uh
You you decide to leave communism this goes out to everyone
And socarno sitting there speechless. He doesn't say a word. He's like damn that dude on that video. It looks good
Yo that that film film roll makes my dick look 20 bigger. Hell, yeah
I don't know what you guys are doing in russia, but your editing is yeah, you're post-processing. Whoo
God damn those shadow effects. So
The reverb was added just perfectly the perfect moments
so
He turns around to the kGB agents and he he says
How can I get a hundred more copies of this?
Power move and they're like wait what and he's like this is amazing
I have so many people back in indonesia that would love to see this that would love to see me
Hooking up with this lady. Yeah
It's crazy people are fucking crazy about this dude and his
Sexual prowess or something. I guess so weird and so
He's like a personality cult. Yeah, I know it's like
Jared leto today
It really is
Oh god indonesian Jared leto. Yeah
uh
so
KGB's kind of left. They're like what the fuck do we do now?
We just turn this whole mission and it's only benefiting him further. It's making the people love him even more
And our blackmail didn't work
For shit our honey pot our honey pot worked. It worked
too well, yeah too well so
They sent him back home and they're like, well, I mean, I guess we'll figure something else out
I guess I guess it's in the mail package in the mail word gets out in indonesia and people are like
Fuck yes
Yeah
And showed them cia, uh, the cia actually gets word
That the kGB failed in their blackmail attempt
and
They're like, oh, okay
And they they run with it. The cia is like hey
Russia tried to blackmail
Socorno with with this porn stuff everybody everybody find out everyone needs to know because that's that's russia. Yeah
pro-american
propaganda, yeah, so
What happens instead of like
Instead of trying to take the same approach, uh as
blackmailing him
They just dump on the russians
And it works. It works out pretty well. You start to get some of these resistance groups that are like hey
Fuck this guy in power
We want us democracy for some fucking reason and
The u.s. Begins to supply
Thousands of rebels with weapons
They're dropping them out of quote unquote
decommissioned b26s
and
Through most of 1958 the cia is just supplying weapons supplies
And intel to the rebels like crazy because they're like
We're not fully involved in this. Nobody really knows our involvement other than the fact that we're pushing this
like anti-russian propaganda
Which russia did a damn fine job of creating this propaganda in the first place
so
in 1958
they end up
They go as far as doing like bombing runs under the guise of like wow. It's the rebels and
one of the planes
gets shot down
crashes and they find a good old
cia
agent flying it in indonesia puts two and two together and
It just the u.s. Backed rebellion
Crumbles it's fucking over with with like one one crashed plane
now
If one sex story
And a massive amount of u.s. Led rebels
Can almost bring down indonesia?
Imagine if a cia if the cia
Makes a bigger and sexier story
All right, like it only makes sense like so they send a honeypot
Have them two honeypots have them three three four
And the entire airplane is just stewardesses
And there's and it's and it's austin powers airplane
And they film it it's it's just an airplane. They're just trying to make porn for themselves
Everything is lined with fucking shag like everywhere and it's all scotch-guarded. It just reeks of scotch-guard
It's so fucking stupid because they're like hey
our whole rebellion bush is going to be
Anti-russian for what they did honeypotting them and then they fuck up their own operation and they're like
Okay, maybe russia did it right. Let's give this a shot. Yeah, it didn't work for them, but it will work for us
We're we're red blooded. We're not that kind of red blooded americans
We're red blooded. We're red white and blue blooded americans, but not red. Call me not call me red
Totally different blood american red crimson
Crimson we call a red in america. Yeah, it's god. That's like a fucking stupid
God, that's that is such a good example of like american red
Really it's like didn't work for them. It'll work for us, but it'll work this time. Jesus. So they find out
through all of their years involved in uh
Indonesian politics, uh, actually, sorry, uh through research. They find out that in
Indonesia, there's an effective way to use sex against this guy
There's only one way that they're going to be able to do this
Oh really? Yeah, and it's talking to their rebels. I mean, uh, they read a couple books on it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
so
It's frowned upon in indonesia at the time if sakarno is deceived
tricked or
outsmarted
By a woman into having sex with her. That's the only way that the u.s. Is like this is how
Sex is going to work
Is if a woman is smarter than him how to which still sounds like the most american
Stupid fucking approach to this honey pot
It sounds like somebody was the whoever they were getting their information from was just lying to them and making it up like
Tell them tell them tell them that the woman has to be smarter. It's a kgb agent
That was in the failed experiment. He's like, oh fuck these guys
Tell them that it's because a woman was smarter than uh,
Decided and wanted to have sex with him. Yeah, like what the fuck was
Fucking approach. So weird. So
The cia sits down and they're like, okay, we've got we've got to get a smart woman. That'll be the day
It works from the cia
So instead of creating their own thing they reach out to la and they get
every
Fucking porn hoax
It's on record. Oh my god and watch through all of them. What a job to try a job to try to find somebody
That looks like sacarno. That's it. That's all that this is about
This is just finding a look-alike in currently released
U.s. How many?
U.s. Porn stars were indonesian
I gotta say that number has to be I guarantee all that they're doing
So in their thing they were like we're looking for someone that's brown-skinned and bald. That's all that they fucking listed
No, no, it they'll just release it in black and white
So just put some bronzer on them. Honestly the new the new tradition here at pressure points is
Episode one is interesting and unusual deaths and episode two is
Shitting on how stupid the fucking cia is. It really sets the tone of what our podcast is for the new listeners
So yeah, these dudes are sitting down watching watching so much porn and they're staring at the men
They come home the men's face. Yeah, the men's face. They come home
They take off their hat. They take off their jacket their wife hands on the martini
They down it and she's like, oh busy day work. They have to take out their
Day, we're gonna unroll the condom the uh, the company issued
CIA stamped condom. No, it's a condom, but it has a collection bag
in the bottom
It's it's like a stadium pal like urinal like a condom catheter
It's reusable. It's more economical. It came with a trapper keeper
Jesus christ, so
They watch through so they watch all of the American made porn
Trying to find somebody that looks like him
Nobody
Nobody finds anyone like they didn't have any
Any guys that were brown and bald in porn up to 19 1960 pretty much
My guess is that the reason they weren't able to find anyone that looked like him is because all of the cia operatives
Were a little bit fucking distracted watching hours and hours of porn all fucking day
No, yeah a little bit hard to to recognize and see if somebody matches the description you're looking for when you're busy staring at
penetration and tits like come on
so
uh
Was that a bald guy? No, that was just a circumcised. Oh, oh, thank god. Oh, oh, that's close
I can't believe I looked at that
Let me rewind just to check
just to make sure
the cia reaches out to
They reach out to la or hollywood more or less. They get a really good effects artist
Get a makeup artist get an effects artist
effects artist a makeup artist
And they reach out to someone they can create a realistic looking mask
No, they're gonna do the mask
What the fuck think about think about all the 19 like
cutting edge
1950 special effects masks they look like shit
I know shit that was better 20 years later with like the thing the best is the holy shit
I know you've been watching mystery science 3000. Yeah mystery science theater 3000 or whatever
It's these are the fucking movies that you're watching except they would also have boobs in them like it's the same fucking thing
So terrible
Oh, so
You reach out to somebody to make a mask and they do so
They get a studio going and they get to filming they have their actress
They have a brown actor that can wear a mask and a ball cap
That looks like sicarno. It's a slightly melted version
It's sicarno, but with uh fucking nixon jowls. Yeah, and billy joel eyes
Is yeah, like his eyes are gonna be a different color
Oh, they'll shoot him black and white. It's fine. Yeah, they're fine. It's fine. So
The best part is that they call this porno
happy days
Which I don't know if you know anything about american media
But the happy days that they're filming is not the one that stars the fawns hendery winkle
No, or ron howard as a child
Do totally different things. I promise. Thank god
now
Ultimately, the recording goes fucking terribly because I can't imagine that the cia knows how to shoot a proper porno
Just my assumption here in the in the 50s
so
They can't get it to look right at all
Because you're starring actors wearing a fucking mask and having sex with somebody at the same time. It's gotta be distracting
so
They end up just taking pictures during the whole process. My my assumption is that it was for their reporting
And then they released the video and the head of the cia is like
I can't I can't jack off to this jay edgar's like why are there so few men in this?
You didn't make this masculine enough
Why isn't she having sex with five guys and why aren't they touching tips to one? Why can I see her?
Why can I see her face? Why is he why isn't he white?
J. Edgar fuck you fuck you so
Uh, yeah, they take a bunch of pictures
And they decide not to release the footage also they realize how the fuck are you going to release footage?
to indonesia
indonesia when there's no like you're gonna put it in theaters. Yeah, this is the 50s
Like how many of them have a tv set that can run a vhs
No, it's not no they didn't but like it's just broadcast tv. Yeah, like are they fucking reels?
Yeah, exactly like a projector. Yeah movie theater or radio
I i'm sicarno
Uh, uh, you're sicarno. I'm smarter than you. I'm a white plus two equals four
I'm a white american that seduced you. I seduced you. You didn't seduce me. It's embarrassing
But they're not speaking indonesian
They're speaking english. No, they are but it's all with a really bad english accent
It's like they're reading it. They're reading it in common in just standard english. This guy has cue cards
Yeah, there's a cue card and one of the pictures you can see you can see the cue cards on the ground. It's stacking up
It says just in corner. Uh, you know in g h. You and g h dot dot dot
And he just lifts it and puts it back down
so
They realized that there's no effective way of fucking spreading this media that they worked so hard to create
I like that. They could have thought of that
and
So they go. All right, fuck it. We'll just release the pictures and fucking more or less just air raid over and fucking throw them out
the out the window of the plane
so
the operation fails
fucking
Miserable worse. It went worse than the kgb one that they were like we can do this but better
And they've fucked it up. They over engineered it. Yeah, they worked so hard. Why not just get somebody who has yeah like
A similar skin tone and then just don't show his face
Well, that's what they ended up trying to do but it was still so shitty like they literally cut the dude's face out because
My guess is you could see that like that neckline. I just imagine it being like one of those rubber like yeah
Yeah, it's like a what's that called party? Yeah, it's a party city mask
So it doesn't it doesn't fucking work out and
They end up getting mi6 involved in
1967 to overthrow sicarno and replace him with a guy named so hard though
and so hard toe actually goes on and
This will be my maybe my next episode but the guy they put in power so hard toe ends up
Just going on a fucking genocide of communists. Hey, so
the fucking porn star president made
porn star president man
I love it. I absolutely love it
Like how it is cold war story. How would you even be able to distribute?
Exactly, you can't just throw it up in theaters
Like yeah, what's your production company? Not the cia like what the fuck?
Why?
Why were you filming it in the first place? Yeah, and even then honestly, I bet they shot it so that it was like
He's supposed to come off as like being this porn star
like
Siharno was hired to be a porn star in america and that's their approach
Maybe yeah, and they're like, oh look at look at how fucking dumb he was
Wow, look he's having sex with this lady on camera even though he's like
Can I get those russian videos of me having sex with someone on camera?
Like yeah, I want to send them to my friends. How how is this ever going to benefit?
How is this ever going to work out for you guys? That's crazy. It's so stupid but
The best cold war story we've had so far. Yeah, I think so. I I think so. I think it's
Uh, yeah good old cia how good old cia
We need more cia trying to overthrow the the only thing that will ever shut us down
Will be one of us dying or the cia. Yeah, the only way that this is gonna come get me the pressure
The pressure points ends
Yeah, so if we get shut down, it's not because we died. It's the cia and you should send us money
Yeah, you don't know our address but subscribe if we go quiet subscribe to the patreon forever
No, that's that's fantastic
I've heard of that like it it struck a bell like I must have read it in passing the
Getting honey potted
So and then asking for the tapes. It's so good. Like what a power move against the kgb
Oh god
All right. Well, uh, if you guys would like an extra episode of of this bullshit, uh
Every month check us out on patreon links below
AJ has a really cool
Really cool series voices. So working on that same one that I was doing last week. Hey, it's all good
You had a rough week. You're in school. Yeah, it's making progress
We've also got a bunch of little like mini episodes called sloppy seconds
And if you'd like to subscribe you can see the studio before it's a dumpster fire or before it's under construction
Uh
So yeah, yeah before it's under construction. There's the video of our studio. It wasn't what do you mean?
Before everything was in here before I fucking lived in the studio. Oh, yeah
Sorry, I was very confused. You good
Uh, but yeah, you got the names
Um, oh yeah, and we never say this but like
Lowest here four dollars and 20 cents. Oh, yeah true
So, you know, it's not too not too bad if you can if you can't totally understandable
No problem. If you can't afford it, don't do it. Yeah, obviously very good
Um, but of course we have
the chair
People the chair persons. Yeah
Uh, they you know, they kind of make all the they're they make the decisions around here
We've got mini d nordic thunder and toddle waddle. So thank you guys appreciate it
It's a thankless job except when we thank you at the end of every episode, but
Thanks for you know
Helping us keep the lights on you guys make up the bulk
And of course, we've got uh, abby aj's third nut thomas dark runner d's nuts and laura rovo
Uh, thank you guys so much for yeah, we appreciate you
Yeah for helping us sticking sticking around sticking with us. Yeah supporting us
Yeah, listening to our shit
Listening supporting us messaging us liking us for some fucking reasons, but thank you being nice cool bros
You guys are the best. Hell, yeah
Um, and as always if you ever have any show ideas music movies tv shows books
Fucking articles you think are hilarious. You want to send a meme you need somebody to talk to
By all means reach out to us on instagram at points. Oh pressure
Or send us an email at pp d n
aj
At gmail.com and we'll catch you guys next monday