S6E5 - The PP Valentine’s Day Variety Show

I don't got time to mark this motherfucker. Here we go again. We can't hear anybody. Nobody can talk to anybody
You guessed it pressure points with your two favorite hosts
I'm Dee and this is should be sleeping AJ. We're coming at you with season 6 episode 5 the PP
Valentine's Day variety show. It's AJ's episode. I don't know what variety shit I'm doing, but I'm on it
Find us an Instagram at points. Oh pressure. Let's get to it babies
Well turn the fucking thing off you dumbass
Fantastic good timing like always money
So it's by the time you're listening to this if you listen to it on release dates the day before Valentine's Day
What oh shit it is fuck? Okay. I was like, oh yeah, that's like Saturday
Look, no, luckily. I keep my my wife's expectations very low. Yeah. Yeah, my girlfriend and I don't
We don't really yeah, we don't we get chocolate from my parents. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I got but that's about I got a big bag of
heart-shaped
Gummies from my mom kind of oh from your mom. Never mind. Not the good kind
I made a joke that it was she had a to me and I was like, did you just give me a bag of human hearts?
Covered in sugar. What am I supposed to do?
She's like now now
Had a good time there today. It's nice. Good. That's good. I'm glad been hearing better and better things over the last year or so
That's good. Yeah
So oh, yeah, let's go right so I already told AJ this story. I'll tell you tell it told me half. Yeah, so
My mother works at
I
Sir, I surgeon and
She usually has like crazy stories about people who have like those ducts on their on their earth
Not ducks. They have the tubes on like their tear ducts and shit
Where kids will like rub them out and they're literally hanging down
She talked about some dude today that
he was working on his car and
Pulling on the tool too hard and it swung back and hit him in the eye and the eye literally fucking deflated and
They had to like put they like the basketball shoes were they yeah. Yeah, it's just Reebok pumps except his eyeball
If you feel a little eye, they just got
Needle and put one into the pump and one into his eye and just
Fix him right as rain that it's air that's in your eyeballs. Yeah. Yeah, I heard it. You're hurting
You're first if you ever feeling like you're not like your your eyelids are droopy
Just fucking put a little air in there just get a bike pump. Just stab the needle in your eyeball. Perfect
So we were talking about some like crazy shit and
My dumbass is like, oh, yeah, they don't know about my podcast
So they wouldn't have heard last week's story. So why don't I share it right after dinner? You have
Six seasons of stories to tell your family
And I chose last week's the only one that's the only one that's still in my memory exactly
So we're sitting there and I was like, oh, yeah
And if you haven't heard last week's episode go listen to it and then come back to this one
So we're sitting there and I was like, oh well if you guys like crazy stories and my brain was immediately like before I even brought up
John's story
I even brought up John Wayne Thompson
I brought up like didn't bring up but my brain was like you should talk about that Russian dude that got sucked into the lathe
Yeah, and i'm like, uh, no bad idea brain bad idea restart
It's like you should talk about that guy that gets impaled by reborn. No, no, I shouldn't stop
I should talk about something traumatizing, but somebody lived
so
I'm like, oh, yeah, there was this kid back in like 1992 that
Uh, he was feeding his pigs and his hand his shirt gets caught in the auger
and
Like right as soon as I talk about him getting pulled into the auger
My three nephews walk in all under the age of eight
and uh
my sister her husband and her kids are all very like
Kind-hearted soft people they are not the type of people that would
Watch Russian lathe videos on the internet that but anyone would ever expect to be related to me like
They're the very very kind sweet people like when my mom talks about the shit at work
My sister's like, oh, oh, oh, like she yeah, she's goodness. That that boy had pink eye from eating ass
So what else I think in the kitchen? I was like, yeah
He's sucking in this auger and both of his arms get ripped off and my oldest nephew
He like he walks in right as I say arms ripped off and both of his hands go over his ears
And he walks out of the room. My girlfriend's like
D there kids in here and I was like, oh, hey leave and then I just keep telling my story even though they're still in there
So yeah, I like I talked through the whole thing and everybody's like, oh my god
My dad starts making jokes about the guy trying to be a boxer because he can't open his hands
He's like he could have just swung around and hit people. They would have never known what the punches boomer dad joke big time
So, yeah, it was it was a good time and I
Told my family about a dude that I mean I told my family last week's podcast but with less f-words
Nice. Good job. So I'm slowly slipping it in there eventually. I'll be like, hey, you know how I know all these crazy stories
Listen to this
I got eight seasons of backup. I'm gonna tell them in two seasons
Yeah, but you you can only tell them that if you've got like fuck you amounts of money
Yeah, if I'm working off like the moment is your full time. It becomes my job
That's when I'll do I'll do a recorded
Experience of me telling my it's on one of those pre-recorded cards
No, I'll just I'll just hit record and put it in my pocket and then be like, hey mom dad
I have a podcast that you would fucking hate
But I make a lot of money doing it. So this will be in like 60. I'll be saying it at their funeral. Yeah
But yeah, so it was a good time
Nice so
I guess I guess we should jump into it. Yes. I should be sleeping
But that's okay
See, I can't even like my eyes can't even focus on the screen. I'm like, oh my god
I can't even like my eyes can't even focus. So my car broke
Yeah, yep
My dad me and my dad were out there for three hours trying to fix it
We replaced all the parts that the error code said were causing problems and now it won't start
Is it doing the same thing it was before where it's like it just doesn't start at all turn over
It's trying it gets really close to starting
And then it just can't so i'm thinking maybe we just left something unplugged
Like maybe we had to lift off the entire fucking intake manifold or whatever jumping it
Yeah, it's got batteries. Oh, that's shreya. It is turning over. Yeah, so we don't know we're gonna sleep on it
We're gonna google it. Hopefully I don't have to buy a new car that I can't
Yeah, fingers crossed if not, but we're borrowing your luckily you guys don't work down here so we can use your two cars
We work we just never leave. Yeah, exactly
luckily enough
um
So i'm i'm a little beat so sorry quality of the show impact blah blah blah. You're good
I also printed off an entire sheet on the new pressure points
acquired cricket machine
entire
Uh sheet of vinyl decals as a test. They came out looking so fresh. Oh, yeah
Look fucking good. So I didn't bring one down here for me because I didn't make one for you you bitch
Yeah, you know, I made some for my parents made some for my wife made some for me made some for my sister
What the fuck I ran out of space and I only had one sheet of vinyl that was black. So you guys are next
So your car keys, but no you don't get them anymore you don't get either car
Fuck you. I don't get stickers. You don't get car. Okay, you'll get stickers later. No sticker. No car. Perfect. That's a good deal
I can live with that
um
That's kind of you know preview. Yeah, we're making our own shit now
Maybe hopefully soon. I I had to order more
Uh ink of color. Oh, so that's coming in the mail ink of color
Yeah, thank you for being yes for using for being pc about it
Yeah, so this is the pp valentine's day variety show. I did not I was I wanted background music, but I didn't make any
Uh, come on, you know, which one
That's the one now you have to do the show name you have to do it i'm not gonna
The pp valentine's day variety show with aj
Starring d. Okay, that's all you get perfect. That's all I wanted. Oh god. Let's punch my microphone
All right. I am going to 100% say right now
Normally when I say this i'm making a joke. I'm not I'm not talking about the saint valentine's day massacre
where
that guy
On behalf of that guy
Murdered all those mobsters
I'm not going to talk about that today. Oh, I was gonna
Decided it was played out
Because it's got the name valentine's day in it. I mean it would have surprised me because I don't know shit about it
Oh shit, so the quick rundown. No, no, we'll do it on a non. We'll do it on a non valentine
We will do it six months from valentine's day. No, but it's basically what the fuck al capone
That sounds wrong. Yeah al capone. Okay, maybe I don't I don't know the story scarface
Al capone
Yeah, I for some reason in my mouth that name sounds incorrect
I think when I say al capone, I think al pacino
I mean, I guess I guess I can see why you would get them confused because they ones real and in mafia
in the in the was in the mafia and
one
Is also real but just plays
In mafia movies. No, I think the problem is they their first name is both al. Yeah, so he basically
Said oh there see there are people
Bootlegging in these parts of Chicago. You see see and
And he he got one of his guys to organize a massacre where all these other mobsters were just
Annihilated with tommy guns in the back. It was wow. I was gonna read about it
You should you should do a full I will like you really I fucking love that stuff because I know we've been doing a lot
Of mobster stuff. Well a lot for us. Yeah, a lot more a lot is in we did like two mobster episodes
Every season though. No, we're doing more because remember I did murder ink. Yeah
So I love that shit
So if you could do that but get into more of the like politics of what led to it
That would be a great episode. Well, I'm not talking about it today. Don't tell me what to fucking do
Fuck you. Will you start your episode? All right. I am this is all part of it. So because it is the variety show
You know, okay. So we we've had this in planning for a couple of weeks now. Probably we talked about it
So D I'm gonna let you get started with your story
We're gonna go back and forth just like we do interesting usual deaths great on this variety show
We talked about it like a week ago. Yeah. Yeah, do you have yours ready? Yeah, I have one. Go ahead. So
I don't have the year but there's this guy Al Capone
And are you sure it's not Al Pacino? Yeah, there's this guy Al Pacino. Sorry. I read it wrong
He actually
He orchestrated the deaths of a bunch of mob people
Not it was actually a day before Valentine's Day. No, it was on Valentine's Day. No, it's a common misconception
A lot of people think it's on Valentine's Day. It should be the pre Valentine's Day murder massacre
Nice. Yeah
Unfortunately, nothing on my cloud backed up. Ah
Dang, it's just gonna be you this episode. Well, you can get it manually. I'll pause it
All right, but yeah, we're back. I just finished my notes
So the battle we're gonna start with the battle of Kasserine Pass technically not on Valentine's Day
I fucking knew it. I told you it's around Valentine's Day. It's that season. God damn it
It's that time of the year. It's that time of the year. It's the time of that corporate year
So we almost never talk about the African theater in World War II
Almost yeah, I don't think we talk about the African theater at all really other than South African theater
I guess yeah two episodes that we dedicated to it
But one of which was a patreon special. Oh it was you're right
It was a continuation of the previous one. Yeah, but
We we don't talk about a lot but feb february
1943
Rommel, you know, you know rommel. Yeah, if you don't just listen up all of the last six seasons
You'll know. Yeah, so rommel
This is very early on in the the african campaign essentially
And rommel is on top of the world. He's the desert fox. You know, he is tearing shit up
America and the free france. He's so fucking hot right now. He is he's in
and the the us
And the free france troops are like
What the fuck is a tank?
That that's really how it felt. They were not very aware of it
like tank tactics, especially because
the technology
for
You know at up to this point the german like panzer tanks way better way more expensive
But way better tanks than anything anybody else really had. I mean, it's kind of like what we've talked about with world war one
where you had like
Weapons of not mass destruction, but a hell of a lot more mass than like a sword and a spear
Yeah, or a musket like you were getting into the point where they were starting to introduce fucking tanks on the battlefield
They were world war one and it was like what the fuck so obviously you're not gonna have tank tactics in world war one
Yeah, because the tactic is roll over the trench and just drive forward. Yeah
Yeah, so and hopefully the same idea that this is the first time that these are really
Starting to be used in like a clever way. Yeah, it's pretty wild
It's a different like terrain. Yeah, everybody up to this point was like you use tanks
And you hope there's not a tree in front of you
And if there is just make sure that you hit it with the right part of the tank
Yeah, or you all will blow up in in this one. They were able to do these
crazy like troop movements with the tanks using
like dust storms and just the terrain as cover
crazy shit rommel was was
I mean he wrote a book but that that uh
Well that pant and wrote you son of a bitch. I wrote your buck. Nevermind. That's a quote
That's a very obscure quote. You will not get that. No, I don't
but
Essentially he wrote a book on tank tactics that a lot of american tank commanders read and used against him
Which is fantastic. That's really I mean, he probably made a lot of money getting that book published
Yeah, what a fucking idiot like rommel's biggest downfall and then just hold up a book. Yeah
Fucking dumb ass, but so rum rummel orders his africa africa corps to
assault the cassarine pass whole idea is
There's a bunch of troops there. We got to get this pass so that we can you know, it opens up a roadway in further
Throughout the area
further throughout the area
And technically the battle of the cassarine pass
Is a group of very of a bunch of battles. I'm going to talk about the specific fighting within the pass
basically tank warfare is
Have you seen fury?
Yeah. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, it's a good one. You haven't seen it. Oh, it's really good stars, uh
Shia la buff shia la buff the most important name in that movie
Uh, I mean he did a good job. Uh, brad pitt is the main. Yeah, but it's good. It's a really good one
So, you know you're getting these like they're they're more like skirmishes
Some hit and run tactic type stuff was going on
But the cassarine pass was defended by the u.s. First battalion 26th regimental combat team
Oh, I see what you're talking. Uh, the sixth field artillery battalion a french tank destroyer battalion
And a french battery of artillery and there were some other like british and french troops kind of in the area
And they were all under the command of colonel alexander stark
He was an american, but he speaks with a transatlantic accent. Yeah
And posh bitch, yeah, exactly. So the rummel sends up this kind of the
The reconnaissance team says do a little sneak attack
And they do the sneak attack. It doesn't really do much
It's like whatever
Pretty much failed but it didn't matter because it caused all this fighting
Leading towards this pass and up on the like edges of this canyon
were these
big old
Like artillery positions defended by tanks on the bottom of the canyon. There were a bunch of anti-tank crews with like
shoulder, you know little rpg type shit
And they're ready because
And they're they're sitting there and they know rommel's coming bazookas and mortar tubes these guys are getting ready
They are ready to go against the panzas
And that so, you know all these little skirmishes kind of out in the front in the yeah in the front of it
And that night the shoulder positions get obliterated. Oh, i'm sure
Decimated to nothing left. So you're basically holding a bazooka
And if you're lucky a mortar and just make sure you don't miss. Yeah
So the frontal assault that morning
It cracked the defenses you don't say completely through if you didn't know the notice and the road is completely opened up
And they take the pass gg easy exactly. It's it's a
It's a five to oh, yeah
God prisoner rescue
and also that that morning and italian regiment joined the nazis and
And chased down the americans and french who are retreating completely disorganized retreat easiest
They were easiest way to catch them because imagine trying to fucking run holding a bazooka
Well, even that there were other tanks and stuff in the back and other vehicles and stuff
They left a ton of tanks like they just got out of the tanks and ran god
It was like what the fuck
it caused
It was such a monumental failure of a defense and success for rommel
that they basically fired all the american commanders they were like
They abraham link in them
Not not shot him in the back of the head. He
Turned over a lot of his generals. He's the book that he wrote in english. He just had them like
Mistranslate every every couple of words. No, it was a copy and paste of the art of war
Anytime it said left or right he would have them switched switched
And up and down were switched as well. They translated the art of war into german and then directly back to english into the book
It was it was into german into latin and then somebody who didn't know what latin was translated into english. Perfect
He's like what would a tank do?
So to give you the numbers of this, you know event that we're treating so lightly
Uh the us and french group who would have thought not on this show they had
3800 casualties versus
989 on the nazi side damn, uh, they the americans lost
183 tanks the nazis lost 20
The overall, you know vehicles besides tanks the u.s lost 616 the nazis lost 67
oh
and
Nothing like a 90 percent difference
They the total number of troops in the area for the nazis was 22 000
And total number of troops for the americans at the beginning was 30 000. Oh my god, so they drastically outnumbered them
Yeah, they out supplied them. They had more tanks more vehicles more supplies. They just fucking but they just didn't know what the
alexander stock had no idea
What he was doing eat your sandwich, I will eat it up
I want to say real calm. It doesn't really work
so
To put all that in perspective. Jesus man. That's crazy. I'm gonna talk to you about alexandria
Oh, okay. So first one was alexander stark. This is that's a total accident
Okay. All right
uh this
fine woman, I assume
Posted this online. That's like they're all people to read what?
One x went to a strip club for our first valentine's day together and didn't come to my place until 3 a.m
Covered in body glitter and drunk
And they gave me cellulite cream and miscellaneous christmas lotions and lip balm
That his mother gave him. She said I was fucking sorry get over it
Is she posting about it again on reddit?
How'd you know? Oh my god, dude. She won't shut up
She texts me every fucking valentine's day about how I was a duke to her. I don't have cellulite
Why'd you give me your cell? I didn't give her fucking
syphilis, okay
All right. I know I believe you
So, you know who had who had a worse valentine's day alexander alexandria
Alexandria actually I think so
Uh, and then and then I've got one from teresa here. Wait, did alex did alexander stark die? No. Oh alexandria
Definitely was fired though. Oh who gives a fuck. I bet his heart wasn't broken
I mean
Yeah, fair enough
on valentine's day
The worst day of the year to have your heart broken. I'm sorry alexandria. All right. So so right now remember alexandria is winning right now
Yeah, alexandria is worse valentine's day
Uh teresa's story right here teresa fine young woman
I assume
I was married for three years last the oh, that's true. Yeah. Yeah, teresa's winning now
Hold on the last year we were married
He didn't get me what I wanted
roses
Just wanted some roses for valentine's day
instead
He got me a cheesecake. I
I'm reading this. I'm like I fucking love this fuck off the whole fucking thing
Okay, hold you hold that thought I was like hold that thought hold on before before you go
I'm in this point up to this point. I
Would like to see teresa on the front lines without without a bazooka
Because so far up to this point teresa a bitch
Cheesecake is way better than roses too bad on lactose intolerant and also very allergic to eggs soy and milk
He also knew that I was allergic to that
Of course, of course
He fucking knew you guys were married
For three years
He wanted to know why he got it
Because it was his valentine's day gift to him
Yeah
He was trying to kill her
That was an attempted murder
Oh my god
He just he brings it and he's like oh no I totally forgot
You can't eat this
I'll just eat this by myself
Don't worry this won't be out tomorrow
That night he's just
He didn't even go to bed
He was shitting
He couldn't even fucking kiss her good night
Or else she would have died
Okay so
Okay
So
Okay
Now
I'm convinced teresa has had the worst
Because before it was like
It was their first valentine's day
They probably didn't know each other that well
Yeah they've probably been together for like
I don't know married for like two years
No Alexandria
It's your third year
Your third year that you're supposed to start fucking things up
Yeah yeah
The third year of marriage
There wasn't necessarily malice
In Alexandria's story
I'm definitely feeling some malice
Against Teresa
I feel like yeah and plus
Her boyfriend was Alexandria's boyfriend
Is probably cheating on her
Oh yeah definitely like
Body glitter
Right now it's a little bit tied
I would still say in a three year
Marriage relationship
Did it end in a divorce right after that
Valentine's day
I don't know when they got divorced
They definitely got a broken heart
She's wanted roses that wouldn't break your heart
To see chee...well hold on not you
Imagine
You were her wouldn't that
Break your heart to see cheesecake after you made it
Very clear that you wanted roses two years in a row
We're doing this
Podcast do either of us have a drop
Of empathy fuck no
I have a lot of empathy thank you very much
I mean it's fair
That would suck but
I still think the other one
Sucks big time
It's close but Alexandria
You're going with that? Yeah yeah I think Alexandria's the only
Look at the relationship that's lost
This is what the show's become
Yeah it's a debate show
It's a who had the worst relationship on reddit
This entire episode is who has the worst relationship
So Alexandria's still winning
For you? For me yeah
Ok keep that in
Teresa's one of our regular listeners and we're gonna get a message tomorrow
Fuck you D
Fuck you you stupid bitch
And I'll just respond and be like
Did you divorce him? And she'll say no
And I'll be like hmm doesn't sound like a broken heart on Valentine's Day
I mean no they
Were divorced after
Oh that led to the divorce? That was the third year
Of marriage and they only
Were married for three years
So sometime in that year
It definitely influenced yeah
Alright so Valentine's Day
1804
I chose the worst name
Diorgie
Petrovic
Spell Diorgie
D-J-O-R-D-J-E
I think it would be
Georgia
It's not Georgia
No J's make a Y noise
Yeah that's what I said
Georgia
Georgia
Georgia
Ok Diorgie Petrovic
Fuck you
I'm really jumping into this one
He led his army against the Ottoman Empire
Beginning this day
Ok
Which triggered the first
Serbian uprising
Oh god damn
Ok
It lasted nine and a half years
It ended
The world's longest
Valentine's Day
It ended with the leader of the group
Being exiled
And brutal reprisals
By the Ottomans
On anybody who was considered Serbian
Ok
Alright
Oh that's it? That's all I got for that
Did he die? I don't think he died during this
Did he die on Valentine's Day?
No
Alexandria? Not the worst
I just thought it was really cool that the first Serbian uprising
Which failed, started on Valentine's Day
In 1804
I mean unless he died on Valentine's Day
And his wife found out that he died on Valentine's Day
As well
Oh yeah I guess
The question is who had a worst Valentine's Day
He had a pretty good one
He was leading an army
Standing up for his beliefs or whatever
I have no idea what his intentions were
He could have been like
We're going to do this Serbian uprising so we can
Massacre and genocide these Ottomans
I have no idea
Honestly they probably enjoyed a nice cheesecake
Before entering the battlefield
Nice cheesecake with body glitter
If you're allergic to
Fucking
If you're allergic to eggs
And
You're lactose intolerant
Or lactose intolerant
Don't have more kids
Don't have more kids
Eggs are the best fucking thing on the planet
Eggs are my favorite food
And if you have to have just egg
Or whatever that fucking dog shit thing
Oh yeah
Whatever, fuck you
Go to hell
That shit tastes like plastic
I've never had it
Because I'm not allergic to eggs
And I would like to receive a cheesecake on Valentine's Day
I would like to receive a cheesecake
On Valentine's Day
Now we'll find out if she listens
We'll see if she listens
Tell her to say two cheesecakes
So that I get one
She wouldn't want one, she didn't like them
What? No I want one
We'll split it
I'll put it in the bathtub
And roll around it
And you can eat it off your body
How did you know that was
We were both going to get what we wanted for Valentine's Day
Yeah
And now I'm going to make up the names because there weren't any
Cindy
Georgia
I was going to do that on the next one
So Cindy
Stephen
Sorry, Stefan
So Stephen's boyfriend
Cindy's boyfriend, Stephen
Yeah
So Stephen
First date
And she wanted to
To come to it, they almost cancelled it
Because she had to babysit that day
She couldn't find a babysitter for her kid
Already red flag
Red flag right there
I thought you were saying that she was
She had just finished babysitting
And I was like, oh my god, this is somebody bitching about
A high school Valentine's Day
So
Okay, so she couldn't find a babysitter
Get one at the last second
They show up, this dude's being pretty patient
They show up, this dude's being pretty patient
Show up at the date, I think they go out to dinner
Show up at the date, I think they go out to dinner
And she keeps grumbling
Same thing, kind of over and over
Every once in a while
Not like in a row
Like, like
And it's, don't be in it
Just for the sex
She keeps saying that, audibly
What? To this dude
Like, don't just, don't be in it
Just for the sex
Oh, would you like some wine?
Don't be in it just for the sex, yeah
I'd love some wine
Did she have Tourette's? No
Okay, so then in that case
My mind goes to, there's probably only one reason
She's fucking repeating this and grumbling it
Is because the guy is probably just giving off
Mad
You owe me sex vibes
You're not gonna jump there yet? I'm jumping there
You can jump there
That's just what's in my mind right now
Honestly, that would be the logical conclusion
But I know more about the story than you do
Exactly, yeah, yeah
You guys are along on this journey
With me
She then started a very long
Conversation to make it extremely clear
That the child
Was not hers
Oh
The child was a product of molestation
Oh
And that's dinner conversation
On their first date
Oh
And then to top it off he said
She also had female pattern baldness
Oh
Okay, he wasn't in it for the sex
No, unless he had a bald thing
Unless he had a bald thing
Or unless he had a half bald thing
Yeah
A half bald
Unless he had like that balding
Mullet thing
It's like you would love a skullet
Dude, skullets
Okay, alright
And then they finished off dinner and he never answered her phone calls
No
Yeah
Who'd have thought, and he did not have sex that night
Oh, you don't
Not with her
I would say that's a
That's a bad, on Valentine's Day though
That's just a shitty
Choice, dude
Like a first fucking date on Valentine's Day
You're just setting yourself up for failure
That's already a mistake
I mean technically they'd been talking
And getting to know each other
A bit
Playing the 20 questions game on Tinder
Shut the fuck up
That's what they were fucking doing
This was before Tinder, but yeah
Well, whatever
Regardless, a first date on Valentine's Day
That's always a mistake
That's just a bad call
Uh, yeah
I put him in like third place
He's up there
It's bad, but
So underneath Alexander and underneath Alexandria
Alexandria, Teresa, Steven
Where's Alexander
Alexander
He didn't die
Where's Georgia
Alexander ran away from a battle
That's just a fucking bitch
He fucked up though
He was responsible for 3000 deaths
It was the largest loss
In the African theater
And they had a way, the people who died
Way worse Valentine's Day than him
But we're talking about Alexander
Not the people who worked under him
If I was responsible for 3000 deaths
I would be beside myself
Yeah, but he has a transatlantic accent
So he doesn't give a fuck about them
He's probably from a rich Boston actually
Yeah, he doesn't give a shit about them
You're right, you're right, sorry
And then the guy, Georgia
Who actually had a quite nice
Valentine's Day
As far as I believe
As far as I know
You know, that's a very
It's good to look at things in perspective
Yeah
Oh, and that reminded me, I was gonna
Nevermind, I was gonna do a bit
About the
The new countries that we have
Listening to our show
Because we hit all 50 states
Our German listeners
Are going up, the Norwegian listeners
Are going up, thank you Nordic Thunder
The Chilean listeners are
Exploding, if you're in Chile
Thanks, keep listening
Fuck, that's cool
Alright, but that was all that
That was the intermission to the next story
Are we still doing
Who had the worst? Yes, always, the whole time
Alright, okay, this is
This is
I was gonna say Germany
Georgia
Join me
Germany
D-J-E-R-M-A-N-Y
Okay, so this is
Chaz
Now that colors it too much
Because of the connotations with that name
What's a neutral dude name?
Jeff
Alright, Jeff
Jeff with a G
Vinny's a bitch
Jeff with a J
Talking to this lady
They're gonna go out to eat
They
It's their first date
I don't know, Jeff is a bad name
It's a bad name, it paints a wrong picture in my mind
Let's change it
Yeah, alright
No, oh god
I can already say
The worst Valentine's day
I don't know why, but I'm inclined to feel
The D at the worst one
So Jeff, talking to this lady
You know, they're doing the thing where when you're dating
And they're smartphones
You talk to somebody for a good amount of time
Before you actually go out on a date
You just Snapchat nudes back and forth
Until you finally have sex
And then you never talk again
Exactly, no, you know, they're talking for a little bit
It's how my parents met
Ten weeks ago
So
He's talking to her
And she suggests they go out to a movie
Okay
And he says, okay, that's a great idea
It's not a great idea, movies are terrible first dates
I disagree
Cause you went on one for your first date with your wife, didn't you?
No
I just don't think they are
That's just my thing
If it's just a movie, yeah, cause you're just sitting next to somebody
It's fair
But no, if you go out to dinner first
And then you go to the movie
And that makes more sense, you can be a little closer
You can be a little more flirty
If you're feeling it
And if you're not feeling it, you can be totally separate
Just watch a movie and get out of there
I think it's good if you
Watch a movie together and don't go to a movie theater
Cause you're more likely to
Have contact
I think that's more rapey
That's more creepy
I don't think that's more rapey
Okay, sorry
I think inviting somebody over to your house on the first date
Is creepy and will get you murdered
Fuck you
Was that your first date?
Yeah, I was my first date
Oh no, well you guys knew each other
She didn't know me
But you knew her
I knew who she was
You collected stuff from her trash
Yeah, that's how I knew her name
For weeks
That's how I had so many credit card bills in her name
So they go out to a nice Italian restaurant
Let's just say it's
Buccare Beppo
Buccare Beppo
And during the meal
Chef commits the cardinal sin
Oh Jeff, what'd you do
Chef gets a cream based pasta
And he starts feeling
His tumbling going a rumbling
Everybody knows
If you're going on a fucking date
With a movie actor
With somebody that you're not married to and aren't regularly lighting up farts in front of
You go with the red sauce
You gotta go with the red sauce
You gotta go with the red sauce
You gotta drink water
You gotta make sure you don't get some pork in it
I'm sorry, I know that a lot of Italian dishes have it
But you know what
Red meat sauce is way better than
Meatball
Cause those have sausage and sausage leads to
Stank
Exactly, so
Stomach starts a bubbling
Also they did it the opposite, they did the movie then the dinner
Oh, okay, I was like
I'm sorry for that
But there was still the
The date was going really well, there was kind of the connotation of
You wanna come hang out
So this is a first date on Valentine's Day again
This is how you do it
You don't go out with Skullet bitch
Right, you go out with this bomb bitch
I don't know if she's cooler or not
But basically what happens is
Towards the end of the meal
He's got the bubble gut
She gets a phone call from a friend that says
He was allergic to eggs and he ordered an omelette
He ordered a cream cheese
Cream cheese omelette
An omelette with a slice of
Cheesecake on top
In honor
Jeff actually had a
He had a husband
A few years back that would
Always get him cream cheese
Fuck, why can't we say the name cheesecake
God damn it
You get him a fucking
Cheesecake on Valentine's Day
You get a divorce that year
But every year Jeff
Gets a cheesecake
To remind himself of what he's worth
To remind him what he's worth
This is Teresa
Teresa too
Teresa's twin brother Jeff
So the friend calls and says
Hey I locked my keys inside
I need you
You have the spare
Called Jeff? Or called the girl?
And she's like I'm so sorry
This has been going so well
We gotta go help her
He drove
So he had to go drop her off
He's gonna get killed
It was a 30 minute drive
And they had to leave right then
Cause she just stuck outside
It sounds like a murder set up
So
He's like
Shit, I mean this is still
I mean it's still got the option of
Yeah we can hang out maybe watch some tv
At your place, whatever
But that bubblegut
He's like it's a 30 minute drive
And my tumble is rumbling
So they get on the road
He can hear his stomach
It's not a feeling, he can hear it with his
Ears, which means she can hear it
And
They get in the car
Bro get to a fucking gas station, it's okay
He says it takes about 15 minutes
Before it hits him, he's about to crap him
Crap himself
He's speeding down the road
He's got the windows open
The radio is cranked up
Did he pick her up from her house?
Oh okay, I was like why not just like take her back
To her car and just go
No, no, he picked her up
So, windows open because he is
Just letting out little farts
Like he cannot control it
You know when it's that bad
But it's Valentine's Day, so that shit's cold
Exactly
And the radio's up
And she's in a car with somebody who's speeding
Has the radio cranked up
And stinks like shit
And is freezing her out
With the windows open
She's like this date went from really fucking cool
To like
Psychological games, what the fuck is going on
What the fuck is happening
So, they pull up to the apartment
And he says, can I use your restroom?
Awesome, you know what?
He got out there
Because he wasn't going to invite himself up
So whatever
She said no
She says, of course you can use the restroom
They walk up to the apartment door
The door's open
Her friend is her roommate
By the way
So the door's just open
They walk in
And there's like 30 people in the apartment
Just fucking
Yeah, just fucking, no
It was a surprise birthday party for her
They didn't know she was out on a date
So
And then he shit himself
They go, surprise, and it scared him
And his colon loosened for half a second
And it was enough
So he's like
B-lines it for the bathroom
He sits down on the toilet
Closes the door
For the bathroom
And it's a tiny bathroom
And it's got an accordion door
I had one in my bedroom growing up
I've been inside a church in the 90s
I know what an accordion door is
When was this date?
The 1970s? What the fuck?
It was probably just a shitty apartment
He
And to give you an idea
Those accordion doors don't block sound
They don't block smell
They don't block shit, they're the worst doors
So he sits down and
Unleashes the wrath of God
On this toilet
He destroys it
He said he tried to be
Quiet, but no matter how
Hard he tried, there was nothing he could do
It just happened
Sometimes you just can't spread your cheeks far enough
Yeah, it just doesn't work
It's probably like splashing
There's pressure behind this
He's in there for 10 minutes
Straight
He wipes, he flushes
Washes his hand, opens the door
Three people are right outside the door
Waiting their turn
Well, tough on them
They have the worst Valentine's Day ever
They have a disgusted look on their face
He just says, I gotta go
And leaves? Never talks to her again
She doesn't even know what happened
Oh god
When was her birthday?
Valentine's Day I guess
That day? Oh, what a bitch
Who the fuck does that?
Who the fuck chooses to be born on
Valentine's Day
No, who would
If it were a first date and it's on your birthday
She clearly has a good
Amount of friends
If 30 people show up for a surprise
I can count like 5
I can count 5 people that would show up for a surprise
Birthday party and they all live in this
Fucking house and one of them's a dog
Yeah
It's like
Don't go on a first date on your fucking
Birthday
What the fuck? I know
My guess is that it's like the weekend after
Her birthday
That sucks
But if that's the case why wouldn't they do the surprise party
That weekend
Why would they do the surprise party on Valentine's
Day when she has a date
Well they may not have known
She had a date but like
A Valentine's Day surprise
Surprise party
So the friend was probably like, oh
She's going out on a date on Valentine's Day, let's do it then
She's, I don't know
Bad choice on everybody's part
Jeff, don't pick
The fucking cheese based sauce
Ever again
So whose Valentine's Day was worse in this
Party? Hers?
Jeff? Or those
Three friends
The three friends
I mean, the three friends
Can have a bad Valentine's Day
They're all shitty for attending a surprise
Party on Valentine's Day
They're shitty for standing outside of the bathroom when it has only an accordion door
And they're being shocked when they hear someone shitting
That's on them
They're fucking assholes, nevermind, they're off the table
Fuck them
Some people are allergic to cheesecake
I think that the girl
Didn't have a bad Valentine's
I think
Even with
The whole
He just fucking left
If I were in her shoes I'd be like
Kind of a fucking shitty situation
For him to be in
For a first date
I would not expect
I wouldn't blame them
I would fucking leave
Dude, that's like
You show up to pick up
Your date and they're like
Also we're having a family reunion
You're like, what the fuck
That's a lot of people that matter
To me
I really fucking hate you
For how much we're putting
Valentine's Day on a pedestal right now
For a holiday that neither of us give a fuck about
I know, I know
We've never done a Valentine's Day episode
We're being such pretentious little bitches
About February 14th
Who gives a fuck about Valentine's Day
I know, I've got tests on that day
But apparently we do tonight
We care about Valentine's Day
On February fucking 12th
And 13th for you guys
You just remind me, I have to go into school
Early on Valentine's Day
EJ's had the worst Valentine's Day
I have the worst Valentine's Day
But yeah, I think
Yeah, Jeff's date
Probably at a fucking
Grand old day she understood
Yeah, so Jeff is
Jeff definitely had the worst in that situation
But I would put Jeff
Just above
Fucking
What did I do?
Alexandria, Teresa
No, you said Teresa was the worst
No, no, no, no, Teresa was the one who got the cheesecake
Because she's being a baby
She's not being a baby?
She could have been fine
As someone who doesn't have
A food allergy
I don't give a fuck about people who have food allergies
AJ
That's why anytime
I make any bread
I'm like, hey you want some?
You know I fucking do
You know I'm gonna shit
And get so bloated
And bleed
What?
And I'm gonna eat that bread every time
I know you will you bitch
You know what I made for breakfast this morning?
Fry bread
But yeah
So Alexandria, I think
Have we done five up to this point?
Teresa
Oh yeah, and then there was the first date
The shitty first date one as well
With the skull
Yeah, I'm gonna put
In third place
He had a bad time
Every new one goes into third place
I will say
Jeff, I realized that it was kind of
An emergency, but the cars pulled over
On the side of the road
They can sit in the car
If they're having car troubles, whatever it was
The friend
Because he believed that the friend had car trouble
They got locked out
Of the apartment
Five minutes just blowing a hole
Through a gas station bathroom
It's not the end of the world
You literally
All you have to say is I'm sorry, I'm just not feeling very well
I need to go
No, even better, hear this out
Hey, can we get the check? Get the check
Put the card in and say, hey I'm just gonna run to the restroom
I'll be right back, because then, like if you say
Hey can we get the check? And then you go to the bathroom
It hadn't set in at that point
Well yeah, but if you start getting that bubblegut
Pre-game
I can guarantee there's something in there
You just, I mean, stopping at a gas station
Grabbing a handful of Tums
Like just shit your brains out at a gas station
Destroy that gas station
Sorry Jeff, but you made a bad call there
Plus, who the
Like, I feel like he
Kind of shit on the date when he's like
I'm blasting music, they can't talk
On the drive there, he's sweating
Bullets, because he's like, I'm gonna fucking
Kill myself
And it's like, just pull over, literally
Destroy a 7-Eleven
Get back in the car and continue the nice date
And you probably, he probably would have
There's a good chance that he could have enjoyed himself
At the party
There's a good chance that he, yeah, that he was like, oh I'll get out of your hair
Yeah, sorry Jeff
Oh no, stay for a minute, no, I think
Homeboy got some anxiety, I think
Homeboy needs to
I mean you don't think straight when you're about to shit your pants
That's true, you get a fever and it starts messing with your brain
Start hallucinating
You start taste, it starts coming up the back of your throat
That fucking nasty brown well water
Knocking at the door in your pants
You can't do anything, there's nothing else you can think about
Alright, so now we've got
Uh, 1945
Okay
Going back, there's this huge bombing
Campaign going on
Orchestrated by the allies
In Dresden, they're just bombing the
Hell out of Dresden
And 120 kilometers to the
South, Prague
Is also being bombed by the US
So they've got those big B-17
Bombers, the flying fortresses
Badass, big ol' airplanes
And they're, they drop
12 tons of carpet bombs on Prague
Jesus
There are 701 deaths
1184 people are wounded
In this bombing run
There are hundreds of houses and historical
Sites damaged
Interestingly, no factories are damaged
Where? This is in Prague?
Okay
And the pilot of the lead plane
Was Harold von
Opdorp
He's already up there because of the last name
Well, interestingly enough, he was actually born
In Prague
He had family in Prague
Uh oh
Oh, Harold's about to have a bad day
In fact, two of his family members were
Killed directly in this attack
Oh
Turns out, uh, they missed
Prague was not a target
They were supposed to be
In Dresden
And
Oh god, so he bombed his own family
He bombed his own family
He was the leader of the raid that bombed his own family
Oh no
Okay, hold on, what side is Harold on?
He's an ally
He's with the US
Are you writing these down?
I'm writing down the order that I have on there
You're doing it to your list, okay, yeah, yeah
Yeah, so, Harold von
Opdorp, you gotta put the whole name
No, you don't
Yeah, that works
Yep, Jeff, Alexander
Who was the
Georgia
And then who was the second day one, Steve?
Steve
Okay
And Alexander
And then Georgia
I'm glad you're into this bit, because I was gonna drop it after this one
If you did this every fucking episode, I would be about it
I know, because it's called retention
If you forced me to do to your list
I'd fuck with it
Next episode
Overwatch fuckable list, I'll do it
I love this shit
No, for the next episode that you are doing
Do a tier list
Most fuckable genocide
Wait, favorite genocides that have ever happened
No, I'm not gonna do that shit
Okay, so
Harold accidentally bombs his own fucking family
Yeah, turns out the radar
In the planes, in that entire group
Were just busted, not working right
So they had to do
Calculate their route
By hand
They did not factor in that there was a
Heavier than normal headwind
So
Slowed them down, thought they were further than they were
And they're like, oh, big city right here, we must be in Dresden
And they drop
All these bombs
Just unk... every single target
Was a civilian target, every death and
Like, injury
Was a civilian, because while it was
Like a
German occupied city
There weren't a lot of Nazis around
In fact, most of them
Were in those factories that they avoided
So Harold fucking lands
So Harold commits a war crime
Ah, shit
For Valentine's Day
So he's gotta be up there
Oh yeah, Harold went to first place
Real fast
Harold accidentally
Murdered his fucking family on Valentine's Day
Because he doesn't know how to do math good
Yeah, Teresa almost
Got killed
But she didn't, she was just like
I want roses, not a cheesecake
Fuck off, Teresa
No, she's allergic to cheesecake
Still... fucking deal with it
I would be happy with a cheesecake
For Valentine's Day
For Valentine's Day
Um
Yeah, Harold's definitely in fucking first place
Because you know
Like, this is a world war
Everybody knows what's going on
This isn't something that doesn't hit the news
Allies accidentally bomb
Ally town
It actually becomes propaganda for the Nazis
And propaganda for the
Communist Czechoslovakians post-war
They use it for decades
And you know
Yeah, the Americans fucked up
You know for a fact, Harold like
Not only did he slip into like fucking
A PSD nightmare
The rest of his life
I guarantee all he did was run over
Where was my route and is there a chance
That I dropped that bomb on my family
Exactly, 100%
You know he ran through that
Harold is easily number one
Yeah, Harold's up there
Which is why I made him the last historical
Event
Now I just have a collection of very very short
Reddit posts
Some of these weren't from Reddit
These ones are
Uhh
Male or female?
Female
Do Cindy
Cindy was 17
Her boyfriend of a year
I'm gonna put her at the bottom of the list right now
Just kidding
This one's pretty rough
Her boyfriend of one year
Broke up with her
On Valentine's Day
Over the phone
Because she was out of town
With her dad
In another city
Parents were divorced
So an hour later
Her mom calls her
Because she had a
I don't understand this phrase
It says
Knockdown drag out fight
So just a big fight
With her boyfriend
Cindy had a big fight with her boyfriend
Cindy's mom
Had a big fight with mom's boyfriend
So
Cindy's stepmom
Was then
Called by her boss at work
It was a Saturday
Verbally abused and forced to go in
To work
So not terrible but a really shitty
Thing to do
It's Valentine's Day, it's a Saturday, it's her day off
And he was a complete asshole to her
Cindy's dad
Doesn't know what to do
Well yeah of course not
Cindy's dad has three
Emotionally distraught women
It's fair yeah
And doesn't know what to do so he says
I'm taking you and your stepmother
To a movie
Just when she gets off work
Just so we have something to do
And your bitch mom can figure it out
But
So the
Stepmom was really late getting out of work
Obviously not feeling it, they missed the movie
They wanted to see
It was a huge mistake of just settling for
Any movie that was on at the time
Nobody wanted to watch it, nobody gave a shit
About the movie, why the fuck would you go to it
Just because he didn't know what else to do
And I bet him sitting in the kitchen
Of his probably one bedroom apartment
Because he's a divorced dad
With two crying women
He's like anything is better than nothing
Yeah, okay, so just so they'd have
Something to do
After the movie they pile in the car
They go to dinner, dad drops off
Stepmom and Cindy at the front
And says I'll go park the car
Pulls around the corner, hit by an oncoming car
I was just about to say yeah, dad dies
No, he didn't die, he was fine
But the car was completely totaled
I was 100% sure he was gonna die
Yeah, I was like oh shit
Dad's definitely dying
So completely totaled the car
Like had to deal with all that shit
God damn
And that was their Valentine's Day
Good ol' Cindy What about mom and boyfriend?
Different cities Nothing?
Nothing Nothing mattered?
Yeah, they uh
I mean, that's a shit I don't know
That's fucking rough That's rough, right?
It's not like the absolute worst
But it is pretty rough Well, I mean at the same time
Like it sucks, but when you step into
Cindy's shoes it's like your dad
Really fucking tried his hardest
Dude, your dad is a bro
So I'm gonna put Cindy
Because at least Cindy didn't bomb her family
I'm gonna put, ooh
I'm gonna put Cindy above
Jeff Good, yeah
But still below Theresa
And definitely still below Alexandria
Yeah, where's Alexander on this one?
Alexander? Yeah
He's second to last Who's last?
Georgia Oh yeah, damn
Fucking good day God, sorry
Okay You have to lead the Ottomans
Like fuck that Yeah
Alright, let's see
So this next one is
Uh, John
John
You said
That one time my girlfriend stopped by a friend's house
After dinner on Valentine's Day
For 15 minutes to say hi
And ended up spending the night there
Just friends Did he drop her off?
Oh, that fucking sucks
After dinner on Valentine's Day
She goes to a friend's house
Oh, that one sucks
Yeah
I'm gonna put
John below Alexandria
So John's in third place
That, you know, with how big the list is getting
Third place is respectable
Still higher than Theresa
Fucking deal with the cheese girl No, I think
Theresa should be higher, cause Theresa
Like that's just pure negligence
That was malice I know, and the reason I'm never
Moving I know, because we disagree
It's just because, actually I'm gonna
Move Cindy above Theresa
Yeah, okay And so did
Alexander and Georgia
And Jeff and Steve And Jeff and Steve, yeah yeah
Okay
Next This is the last one
Alright, the final one What's a nerdy
Name? A nerdy name?
Point Dexter
No, no, no
Albert
Albert
Was crazy about this one girl
In high school
Okay He was also in high school
And so was she So you're like
What's a nerdy name? My brain is like Albert
Einstein
Okay, so Albert
Okay
Albert, crazy about this girl
But, classic blunder
She has a boyfriend
So he's in the trusted
Friend category
Get as close as I possibly can
And swoon after this lady
And make her feel really uncomfortable
But allow her to take advantage of me
Albert, have you ever listened to a man called Jordan Peterson?
Cause you kinda come off as the type of person
Kinda, yeah
So, February
Comes around
Oh no Albert, don't fucking get her anything
She breaks up with her
Boyfriend On Valentine's Day?
Around, in February
Early, early on
So
He's like, hey
I know you're going through a rough time
And I'm just your friend The worst part
Sorry to cut you off again Is that this is on
Reddit, so I know why this is a high one
Because a lot of people are gonna relate
To this one Oh yeah
I kinda have a feeling out of where this one's going
But continue So they plan to meet up for dinner
To here too before Valentine's Day
You know, the
I'm just a friend
I know you're going through a hard time
But I don't want you to be alone, so let's just do this
As friends And he's sitting there like
She's gonna fall in love with me
Cause Albert's a delusional Exactly
He's a fucking Redditor
So she says, yeah
Not that excited She says, okay
She's like, yeah, let's go out
I'm still coping from the fucking breakup
From my boyfriend You're taking advantage of my fragile
Mental state right now Maybe take a little bit
Albert
So he
Buys her Valentine's Day teddy bear
Oh no He's gonna ask her
Out Oh wait, no, he's in high school
Okay, yeah That's fair
He's gonna ask her out, he's gonna admit his feelings
As if she doesn't know
You're ruining Valentine's Day for yourself, bro
He pulls up to her house
She's just getting
She's getting railed Just getting railed
By her cousin On the
On the front of the hood of his car
He pulls up, she walks out
Opens the door
To get in to go to dinner and says
Me and my boyfriend got back together, aren't you so happy?
Oh man, ouch
Oh god And then he has to sit
Through dinner with her
Oh fuck With a stuffed
Valentine's Day
Did he still give the stuff to her?
I'm sure he did Oh, Albert
Albert, homeboy
Find someone who knows your worth
Find someone who knows your value Yeah damn, and don't try
To go after someone who has a fucking significant
Other Yeah No matter how much you like them
Just leave them alone, dude Yeah, let them live their life
Fucking hell I get that you might
Be attracted to this person
But news flash fucking seeing
Somebody Yeah
That ship has a sail Don't get your hopes up and wait around
For a fucking break up Yeah
Seriously Because
It doesn't end well
It never does It's not going to work out for you
Oh, alright
Albert Yeah
Is there anything else on that one? Nope
So you finish your list and then
Reprise us
Damn, it's late Okay
I gotta wake up in six hours
No, I gotta leave in six hours Number one
Harold Harold had a dogshit
Day Harold had a bad Valentine's Day
His story is one that like
It could have been its own episode
With how fucking shitty all that was Yeah
Also, I want to point out that Harold probably has not seen
A woman
In many months
Oh yeah, no Harold's, Harold's
He's had a miserable time He killed his family
Hasn't seen a woman It's a bad
Bad Valentine's Day Bad Valentine's Day
Harold number one, Alexandria number two
That just sucks, dude That sucks
Like, that's some dogshit
That was their first Valentine's Day together, right?
Now you're gonna make me pull it back
I am, just have to make sure Oh my god
I already cli- Oh, it's right here
Uh, Alexandria
I have to check
First Valentine's Day together, not first date
Yeah, yeah, yeah Not an extremely
Long Valentine's Day I mean, it's not an important one
But obviously, obviously
She holds it Well, I just
Don't give a fuck about Valentine's Day
So for me, I'm like, oh I don't give a shit
But I know that the first one
Matters to a lot of people
So that sucks That's really
Dumb Yeah Next
John
John is the one
Who's fucking girlfriend is like
I'm gonna go hang out at your friend's house
For a quickie That sucks
Yeah, that's, that's just
Fucked Um, Teresa
I guess is in fourth
Yeah
Represent
In all honesty, Teresa
Is fucking dogshit If I'm gonna be
Totally honest with everybody
It's probably fucking
Second or third
She didn't kill her family
But she's second or third If you take out
War crimes and murder
It's up there Attempted murder
Uh, Cindy
So, almost dead dad
Yep, that one sucks
That one's fifth
Jeff, poopy pants Jeff is in sixth
Uh
Skullet lover Steve is in
Seventh
Skullet lover Steve is
Seventh
Deliteration
Albert is in eighth
Alexander
Alexander Stalk
Is in ninth
And Georgia had the best fucking
Valentine's Day of anybody
And to everyone out there
I hope you have a much better
Valentine's Day than all of the above
Even Georgia Myself included
Georgia
Georgia
Oh, God
Well, uh, for additional
Episodes, if you want to hear this bullshit
Bullshit like this again
Find us on Patreon, we have a bunch
Of extra episodes, one extra per
Month, always
Released on the final day or a couple days
After the last day of the month No, no, this
Month, I've already got a plan, don't even
Worry, it'll be recorded next time we record
Uh, AJ has a
Really cool
Series called Voices that he's
Currently working on, uh, it'll
Be a lot easier for him to get through once
Clinicals are done and once he has a little bit
Of a break from school. I get a two week break after this one
Oh, fuck yeah, so
Uh, yeah, some good episodes
On there, and as always we have
Our old sloppy seconds
Episodes, there are like 20 of them
Or so, just some random shit
So if you're interested by all means go support us
And if you can't afford it
Don't fucking worry about it, it's okay
It's A-okay, uh, but those of you who
Did, do support us
Did do support us
AJ, drop those fucking names
So it's patreon.com forward slash
Points-O-Pressure
Uh, of course
So we are controlled by
Yes, an investment board
Yep, known as the chair
And they are
They forced me to put those in
Order, or else I would put Teresa down at the bottom
Yeah, that's true
They forced me to put that to your list
They actually live listen-no
I should say that, no expectations
To live listening, but
They are our live studio audience
They are, pretty much
So if you subscribe on Patreon you can be a part of our live studio audience
Let's not say that
So the board
Of course we've got Mini D, Nordic Thunder
And Toddle Guaddle
Thank you guys for being our chair people
Taking the fall when D goes on a
Drunken bender and gets another
DUI, really covering for him
It's gonna happen four times, fuck off
Yeah, but it's in two different states, so
You're getting close in two states
It's four in two different states
Oh
How do you, how can you drive?
And then
Of course we've got uh, Drunk?
Yeah
I'm sorry, drunk driving is not
A funny, it's not funny
I don't know what to joke about, but nobody's fucking listening
Exactly, but it's funny
Because I don't think you'd drunk drive
At all, ever, it's so
Yeah, you hate doing it, you're so used to it now
I hate, honestly I
I hate sober driving
But I fucking hate drunk driving
Even more
Alright, then of course we've got Abby, AJ's third nut
Thomas, Darkrunner, D's nuts
And Lara Vaux, thank you
Yeah, thank you guys for, you know, supporting us
Appreciate you guys
Buying us a cricket
Also, for everybody that's in there
Make sure your address is
And
Make sure your addresses are up to date
And if you need
To select merch
Because it's your third month
Of being a patron
Make sure to select your merch
We had a couple, we've had a few in the past
Like a couple months
That haven't selected their stuff
And it just does it automatically
Just keep an eye on those things
D's nuts, I'm talking to you, so
Oh, okay
Yeah, Toddlewaddle just got a t-shirt
Yeah, and
Mini D also
He got a really cool fucking sweatshirt
Hell yeah, I forgot about the sweatshirt on that one
Yeah, Mug, Mug was the other one
Yeah, there's a mug and then like a sticker
There's some cool shit, so
If you're on there every three months
You can get merch
And we'll send stuff to it sometimes, we send stuff out
Yeah, so
Hopefully soon now that we have a little cutter
But yeah, alright, thank you guys
And as always
If you ever have any movies
Suggestions, tv shows, books
Magazines
Pornos
Fucking, just, you need somebody to talk to
Show ideas, anything like that
Yeah, you need somebody to show your penis to
Don't send it to us, send it to
Last podcast on the left
But
We should start a fake beef with them
You guys, if you guys ever need
Anybody to talk to, by all means
Reach out to us on Instagram
At pointsopressure or email us
PPDNAJ
At
Gmail.com, we'll catch you guys
Next Monday